QUOTES of the Week

We will not be forced out. I am not prepared to be bullied.

Madeleine McCanns mother Kate McCann, after being urged to leave Praia da Luz because locals claim her family are giving the resort a bad name

For a start, Im ten years younger. Im also five inches shorter.

Briton RogerWoodgate, living as a recluse in New Zealand, after claims that he is the fugitive Lord Lucan

Their raft was called Avec Plaisir III. It makes you wonder what happened to the other two.

Dover Coastguard, after two Germans and a Frenchman tackled the English Channel on a ramshackle craft made of oil drums and plywood

The most commonly observed behaviour was one and two-handed waving.

Health and Safety Executive report states the obvious after a year studying amusement rides

I took the picture while I was on a fishing trip in Cape Town and just sent it in as a joke. I didnt expect anyone to be daft enough to take it seriously.

Kevin Keeble, admitting that the picture, above, at the centre of the great white shark scare in Cornwall was just a hoax

Are you sure you dont want to hear foul language?

Sir Tom Cowie, asked why he would be donating no more funds to the Tories under David Cameron

Passengers patience has been stretched to breaking point, with endless queues and an airport operator who seems more concerned with running shopping malls than an efficient airport.

Tory transport spokesman Theresa Villiers, as BAA faces an inquiry over its ownership of so many airports

It will simply produce ten-lane traffic jams instead of six-lane traffic jams.

Stephen Joseph of Transport 2000, on plans to widen the M1

Hes turned over a new fig-leaf.

Solicitor Laurence Lee, telling a court his client had stopped streaking

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