June 16, 2008

Nick Rippington Watches Events at the Big Brother House so You Don’t Have To…

"HEY, wha' ya' doing with ma' stuff, maan? Don't ya' touch ma' stuff! Wha's mine is mine!

"You're infringing my liberties, maan! I feel violated... violated. What I own is mine, maan, ri'? Give it back!"

Right, now my pencil has been returned I can write all about the explosive start to BB9.

At least it would have been explosive if someone had filled up Cat's skin-tight rubber gimp suit with helium before giving her thee lectric shock she knew was coming.

Come to think of it, it already looked like it WAS full of helium.

Cat aside, it was a stroke of genius to dress up this latest egotistical bunch of loudmouthed chav wannabe's in skin-tight lycra, then attach some kind of electrical shock dispenser to the seat of their pants.

Refreshingly normal Welsh girl Rachel and compulsory gay Dennis were charged with the task of manoeuvring a metal wand along a wire track without it touching.

They had a couple of hours to achieve their goal, but every time they struck the wire they shocked their fellow housemates and had to go back to the start.

After half-an-hour tough girl Alexandra, who is swiftly taking over the throne of last year's Charlie as house hate figure, screamed louder than everyone and started stripping off her suit - even though that constituted one of three permitted failures.

"I can' stand it, maan. I got a low threshold.

"No one should have to put up with this pain. I aint taking it no more," she ranted.

Quickly Rex, the cool-headed one, was ready to wind her up.

"Come on, I thought you were tough," he chided.

But tough mutha Alex was having none of it. "Don't tell me what ma' threshold is. I wouldn't take off my suit easily.

"I went through childbirth, yes I've got three tattoos and, yes, a strong woman like me cannot take any more.

"Don't keep rubb in' it in my face, aw ri'?"

Despite ranting and raving and threatening to wreak great vengeance and smite him down with almighty fury, rather like the Samuel L Jackson character in Pulp Fiction, she eventually sidled off to rant with a pal.

And when Rex later tried to borrow her lighter she flared up again.

"Don't ya' be takin' ma' stuff, maan. Tha's ma' stuff and you got no ri'..."

Unfortunately she wasn't up for eviction.

A young blond called Stephanie got the public's vote.


I wanted Super Mario, the guy who resembles Sylvester Stallone in a fat suit, to go just for his bitchy remarks about her.

It's going to be a long, hot-headed summer...

Don't miss our online gallery of Big Brother beauties.

Log on to http://www.walesonline.co.uk/bbgirls/

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