The Anniston Star, Ala., Laura Tutor Column: Laura Tutor: Who Do You Sue If Some-Thong Goes Wrong?

By Laura Tutor, The Anniston Star, Ala.

Jun. 22–Under the heading of Stuff We Just Can’t Make Up:

A 52-year-old Los Angeles woman is suing Victoria’s Secret for a thong-related injury to her eye.

Her lawyer isn’t saying how much the woman wants for the permanent injury to her cornea, but her complaint already has “pain and suffering” attached to it, so it’s liable to be sizable — certainly larger than your average thong.

Apparently she was trying on a pair of v-string panties and a metallic decoration flew off and zinged her in the eye. The Smoking Gun has helpfully posted a copy of the lawsuit on its Web site, in case you’re still skeptical that this is a real case.

Yes, somewhere, someone’s tax dollars are going to be spent paying court personnel to handle this case. Be glad you don’t live in L.A. — and are therefore out of the running for jury duty.

All of this stirs up the age-old debate about frivolous lawsuits.

Recall the woman who sued McDonald’s because her coffee was too hot. And now every hot beverage cup you get from someplace other than your own kitchen tells you, duh!, contents are hot. Or a man who sued Popeye’s chicken once because he bit into a piece of chicken, also hot!, and burned his mouth.

To be fair, there have probably been numerous underwear injuries over the years. Any boy who’s ever run afoul of the school bully can attest to the consequences of a perfectly executed wedgie. Any boy who’s ever been stupid enough to snap the wrong girl’s bra strap has heard his ears ring for a week. Any boy who’s ever thought those Aquaman Underoos would let him swim with sharks.

But flying decorations from a thong? This was probably the first for that particular emergency room she attended that day.

Which goes to point out the tricky game of buying underwear that’s as pricey as the stuff you find in Victoria’s closet. For years you’ve had to consider price, size, color, fabric. Once you get it home, you have to wash it in water that’s just the right temperature, for just the right amount of time.

Now you’ve got to worry that it will put your eye out?

There’s no word on when The Case of the Unstrung Thong will come to trial in Los Angeles. Critics of the litigation industry say this is an example of a plaintiff going after a corporation with deep pockets. (Although it should be pointed out that few of Victoria’s signature lines have pockets of any form, let alone deep ones.)

The lawsuit complaint points out that the product was being used as the manufacturer intended. It blames a “design flaw” on the piece of metal that caused the woman to miss several days of work as a traffic officer in the L.A. transportation department.

Make fun of ‘em all you want, but have you ever heard of anyone damaging their corneas donning a pair of grannypannies.

The same probably can’t be said of those compression shorts some cyclists wear — or a particularly vigilant girdle.

Now, where’d those Underoos go?

About Laura Tutor: Laura Tutor is the features editor for The Star. She is an enthusiastic cook, gardener and mother.

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