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The Dallas Morning News Scott Parks Column: This Summer, Don't Forget to Let Kids Be Kids

Posted on: Monday, 10 April 2006, 12:00 CDT

By Scott Parks, The Dallas Morning News

Apr. 10--Dear Scott:

I have a fourth-grader, and I'm wondering what kind of activities to plan for him this summer. I don't want to overburden him with school-type work, but I also don't want him to waste all his time this summer. Do you know of any good academic camps in the Dallas area? â€"R.D.

Dear R.D.:

I could list a dozen good camps after a trip to the Internet. But you can do that yourself by plugging the words "academic summer camp" and "Dallas" into your favorite search engine.

Your e-mail allows me to launch into one of my favorite topics: the tendency of nervous parents to overprogram their children with too many activities.

As the school year ends, teachers are warning some parents that their children are in danger of falling behind academically in the next school year.

For those parents, finding academic support through their school districts or through private "camps" may be necessary.

But too many parents whose children are doing just fine feel the need, for some reason, to drive them like mules. Little Juan or Juana may be 6 years old, but Mom and Dad already are positioning him or her to go to Harvard.

Here's a simple plea: Don't see playtime as wasted time.

Alvin Rosenfeld, a physician who studies families and their habits, advises parents to limit programmed activities and schedule a lot of what he calls "unproductive time" for the family.

This means families relaxing together, playing board games, taking walks in the neighborhood or watching movies together.

Dr. Rosenfeld wonders how so many parents got the idea that scheduling activities for the children is the way to build a healthy relationship with them.

"It makes a great difference whether it's an activity the child loves and wants to do, or if it's one the parent feels is essential for enrichment," he says. "The former is great. The latter usually backfires."

Clearly, we live in a market-driven society replete with myriad messages advertising learning tools, computer curricula and tutoring programs.

Be a savvy consumer and not a nervous Hyper-Parent, Dr. Rosenfeld advises. Don't let the advertising convince you that your child needs something when she really doesn't.

What your child does this summer depends on many factors. How much money do you have to spend? Are one or two parents in the home? Does one stay at home during the day? How many children in the family? Well-to-do parents might send the kids away to a residential summer camp for six weeks. Parents of modest means might send them to the YMCA day camp a couple miles from home.

Whatever your situation, I urge you to listen carefully to your children and what they say about your plans for their summer activities. And monitor their behavior in an analytical way once their routines are under way.

Dr. Rosenfeld says you might be guilty of being a "Hyper-Parent" if your child:

--Dawdles, forgets things or throws tantrums when it's time to leave for camp, lessons or sports practice.

--Has trouble keeping track of where she's supposed to be on a given day.

--Complains that she never gets to do the things she wants to do.

--Gets extremely upset or anxious after making a mistake on the playing field, on a lesson or on a test.

If you want to learn more about overprogrammed children and Hyper-Parents, plug Dr. Rosenfeld's name into a search engine. You'll probably see a little of yourself on his Web site. But that's OK. We all need a checkup from time to time.

E-mail sparks@dallasnews.com

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Copyright (c) 2006, The Dallas Morning News

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Source: The Dallas Morning News

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