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Odessa American, Texas, Gene Powell Jr. Column: Quick, Beavis, Change the Television Channel

Posted on: Thursday, 8 June 2006, 12:00 CDT

By Gene Powell Jr., Odessa American, Texas

Jun. 8--Optometrists and ophthalmologists are probably raking in bundles of cash treating eye sprains induced by an exaggerated rolling of the eyes while watching television commercials.

Now I'm an experienced eye roller -- covering government does that for you -- and I swear I felt a twinge the other day when I saw the latest Bacardi rum commercial.

Am I alone in the thought that liquor advertisements should be banned once again from the boob tube? Almost every hard liquor advertisement I've seen has been horrible.

In the Bacardi ad, some peroxide blonde walks up to two guys who are named Bacardi Guy and Cola. That alone is on the border of insipid. And, as luck would have it, we're taken all the way to insipid by the blonde's dialog.

In a nutshell, she accuses the two "debonair" dudes of not remembering her. After they spew a litany of names and stumble across hers, she's honored that they can recall her name.

Makes me want to spew.

One thing's for sure, I won't drink Bacardi anymore. I'm afraid drinking it will make me act like these vapid creations. They plumb scared me up on the wagon.

The worst Bacardi ad though is the one with Diet Cola. In this ad, they bring out a midget to be Diet Cola to the 6-footer's Cola.

It's actually more insulting than it is stupid.

And I'm a guy who cracks wise on almost everything. I tell you what, when you cross my line of good taste, you are steering into some seriously troubled waters. Just ask my friends.

To prove it isn't just Bacardi, I can pick on the ads for Tanqueray as well. Their spokesman is Tony Sinclair. I can't think of a single nice thing to say about Tony Sinclair.

He even dresses poorly. At least Barcadi Guy services as a nice suit hanger.

It's kind of odd really. I'm the first guy to stand up and click off great ads for beer companies, but these latest liquor efforts fall flatter than a day-old pitcher of Milwaukee's Best.

Want an example of great beer commercials? I have four words for you: Tastes great, less filling. Those Miller Lite commercials were amusing, witty and effective.

And while I don't drink Budweiser products unless someone else is buying, I must admit I love the vast majority of their ads. I especially love the ones with the talking lizards.

Brilliant, I tell you.

Bacardi? Tanqueray? Not so much.

And before you think I only notice advertisements involving alcohol, I want to point out other terrible ads that have nothing to do with adult beverages.

Take, for instance, some of the Guinness ads.

Wait. That's an adult beverage isn't it?

Ummmm.

Oh yeah, here's one.

What about Burger King? These commercials are just flat-out creepy. I'd rather spend time kicking it with Barcadi Guy and Tony Sinclair than munch on burgers with this King of Creep.

I do have a solution though. (After all, we don't get points for predicting rain, we get points for building an ark.)

What we need to do is get all these advertising copywriters working for liquor companies and send them to stay a night in a Holiday Inn Express.

That'll make them smarter.

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Copyright (c) 2006, Odessa American, Texas

Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Business News.

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NYSE:BKC,

Source: Odessa American

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