Legislators Cope With Distance

By Keri Brenner, The Olympian, Olympia, Wash.

Jan. 1–OLYMPIA — By next weekend, they will arrive — alone — to rented condos, second homes or rooms in private flats.

For 105 consecutive weekdays from Jan. 8 to April 22, state lawmakers from far-flung Washington counties will be in town along with local colleagues for the 2007 state legislative session.

Amid the flood of proposed bills, phone calls, horse-trading and caucuses, there’s a personal twist: Many of those out-of-town legislators will live apart from their spouses, kids and pets for most of the session.

Although they cope with the separations in different ways, some admit it’s not much

fun.

“Some of them longingly note, ‘Oh, you get to go home every night,’ ” said state Sen. Karen Fraser, D-Olympia. “Those of us who live within 30 miles of the Capitol are considered to be very lucky.”

According to the Corona,

Calif.-based Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, there are an estimated 7 million long distance couples across the nation, including 2.5 million to 3 million long distance marriages.

The center’s research indicates the number is growing: Between 1999 and 2002, the most-recent data available, the number increased by 385,000.

“If I had kids, I don’t think I’d do it,” said state Sen. Jerome Delvin, R-Richland. “It’s a lot of time away.”

During the session, Delvin, 50, who just retired from the Richland Police Department, flies home from Seattle to Pasco every other weekend to be with his wife, Josie, who was just elected Benton County clerk.

“Now she understands why I go to all those events when I’m home,” said Delvin, who previously spent five terms in the state House of Representatives.

State Sen. Dale Brandland, R-Bellingham, said he makes it a point to drive home almost every weekend to spend quality time with his wife, Jean, who owns and operates the Chuckanut Lighting store in Burlington.

“I don’t do any legislative business on the weekends — maybe I should, but I don’t,” said Brandland, 58, the Senate whip and former Whatcom County sheriff. “It helps me keep things in perspective: My family is more important to me than the Legislature.”

Brandland, who rents a three-bedroom house in Olympia from “snowbirds” who leave for Arizona every winter, said daily morning workouts at the Valley Athletic Club in Tumwater keep him sane during the week.

“It’s pretty easy to pick up 20 pounds in Olympia going to receptions — and the mental benefits are the big thing,” Brandland said of his motivation to lift weights and hit the Stairmaster

while listening to the morning TV news with earphones.

For state Sen. Darlene Fairley, D-Lake Forest Park, her second home in Lacey is a cozy retreat from the day-to-day fast lane of government — as well as a rendezvous point for her marriage. Fairley and her husband, Michael, both antique dealers who run Fairlook Antiques in Seattle, get to see each other in Thurston County when Michael stops in on his way back from antique shows in Portland, Ore., or California.

“I leave all my stuff here,” said Fairley, 63, who will chair the Senate’s Government Operations and Elections Committee and said she plans to introduce a “Death with Dignity” bill. “The only thing I bring down is food.”

Like Brandland, Delvin and Fairley, marriage partners who live apart tend to work out a get-together schedule that they both can live with.

The average partners in a long distance relationship live

125 miles apart, visit each other 1.5 times a month, call each other every 2.7 days to talk for 30 minutes, and expect to be separated for 14 months, reports the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships.

“The most challenging aspect of a long-distance relationship is maintaining the feeling of simply being part of one another’s lives,” said Gregory Guldner, the center’s director and author of “Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide” (JF Milne Publications). “Couples that see one another only once a week or once a month often can feel disconnected from their partner — this disconnection can lead to an erosion of intimacy.”

Some Washington lawmakers don’t even want to try walking that path.

State Sen. Derek Kilmer, D-Gig Harbor, would rather fight up to 2 1/2 hours of fierce daily commuter traffic across the Tacoma Narrows Bridge than leave his wife, Jen, and 9-month-old daughter Sophie.

“It’s a challenge a lot of families have — balancing family and work,” said Kilmer, 33, a staff member at the Economic Development Board in Tacoma and a former state representative. “Those of us in the Legislature are no different.”

He said he is used to long days and long commutes. In a pinch, there’s a couch he can crash on at his brother Jason’s place in Olympia. The elder Kilmer works for The Evergreen State College.

“Last session, I found out that as long as I get five or six hours’ sleep, I’m fine,” Derek Kilmer said. “With a new baby, you get used to it anyhow.”

State Rep. Shirley Hankins, R-Richland, said she doesn’t face the marriage separation issues that her colleagues do because her husband died years ago.

“I’ve been in the Legislature so long that it’s not a big deal for me to leave,” said Hankins, 75, who is serving her 12th term in the House.

Hankins, a former Westinghouse Hanford employee who is a nuclear power industry voice in the Legislature, said she has developed a systematic getaway plan. That includes a series of appointments with dentists, eye doctors and the Richland mayor — among others.

“I make sure I have enough medications to last 105 days,” she said.

Hankins leaves her grown son to stay at her condo in Richland. Then, like Brandland, Hankins moves into a condo in Olympia vacated by people leaving for sunnier winter climes.

She does have some separation issues, however.

“I wonder if we’re going to finish on time so I can arrange a schedule at home for my garden,” she said. “I have a little courtyard with a garden that I need to take care of — I want to put in some new plantings.”

Keri Brenner covers Thurston County and Tumwater for the Olympian. She can be reached at 360-754-5435 and kbrenner@theolympian. Long-distance relationships

n There are an estimated

7 million long-distance couples nationwide, including 2.5 million to 3 million marriages. And the numbers are growing: between 1999 and 2002, the most-recent data available, the number increased by 385,000.

n The average partners live 125 miles apart, visit each other 1.5 times a month, call each other every 2.7 days to talk for 30 minutes and expect to be separated for 14 months.

Source: Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships

ONLINE

To contact the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, go to www.longdistancerelationships.net.

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Copyright (c) 2007, The Olympian, Olympia, Wash.

Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Business News.

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