The Columbus Dispatch, Ohio, Joe Blundo Column: Skybus Could Help Put City on Radar

By Joe Blundo, The Columbus Dispatch, Ohio

May 1–Now that Columbus has an airline, we have a splendid opportunity to market the town.

Skybus (love the name) is already selling tickets for flights later this month. It advertises itself as a low-cost carrier that flies nonstop to uncongested airports.

For example, instead of landing at crowded Los Angeles International, you land at Bob Hope Airport in Burbank.

As someone who hates to fly, I endorse the concept of landing at alternative airports. In fact, I’d be perfectly happy to take an L.A. flight as far as Indianapolis and have a taxi transport me the rest of the way.

But that’s not my main point.

What I want to stress is this: Skybus flights offer rich opportunities to get the word out about Columbus. City leaders should get on it right now.

From the moment that passengers arrive at the Skybus counter in the airport, they should be immersed in the city’s culture.

Every part of

the flight experience should have the distinctive stamp of central Ohio.

By the time they disembark, passengers will be thoroughly familiar with the town and never again confuse it with Columbia, S.C.

Here’s what I envision:

Passengers checking bags shouldn’t be given those predictable luggage tags. Their bags should be marked with blue ribbons, like the ones they use at the state fair to honor livestock.

I’d dress all the flight attendants like Woody Hayes: steel-rimmed glasses, Block O hat, skinny tie — the whole deal. The emergency-exit speech should be delivered like a locker-room harangue. (Some people might even listen.)

Of course, we’d also want the in-flight cuisine to reflect Columbus culture: One day could feature an all-White Castle menu. Another could be potluck, with each passenger taking a casserole. Monday could be Dime-a-Dog Night.

Then assign trash colors to passengers so they’ll know when to hand the flight attendant their cans and sandwich wrappers.

Seating should be organized by suburb. You can upgrade from Whitehall to New Albany for an extra fee. No sex offenders can sit in Upper Arlington. The Reynoldsburg section comes with complimentary tomatoes.

Even the restrooms should have a Columbus theme. I’d decorate them like a German Village front yard; they’re about the same size.

The overhead bins should each be sponsored by a different Columbus company, with appropriate touches:

— Only bags worth $1 or less could go into the Big Lots bin.

— If you put your luggage in the Nationwide “Life comes at you fast” bin, the clothes will be out of style by the time you reach your destination.

— Luggage would emerge from the Scotts Miracle-Gro bin bigger than when it went in.

— The Victoria’s Secret bin would be see-through.

During the flight, passengers are free to have tailgate parties but should position their grills so as not to block access to the emergency exits.

And when the flight ends? City Council members will meet secretly to decide who gets off first.

Short of outfitting the aircraft with Santa Maria sails, I think this plan maximizes exposure for Columbus and should be enacted immediately.

We don’t get that many chances to soar.

Joe Blundo is a Dispatch

columnist

jblundo@dispatch.com

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Copyright (c) 2007, The Columbus Dispatch, Ohio

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