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When Worlds Collide: Family Balances Faiths, Observes Christmas, Hanukkah

Posted on: Saturday, 24 December 2005, 15:00 CST

By Karen Owen, Messenger-Inquirer, Owensboro, Ky., Messenger-Inquirer, Owensboro, Ky.

Dec. 24--The Mahlinger family is ready for the holidays. At their house, that means Christmas and Hanukkah.

Like they do every year, they've mailed out custom-made "Happy Holidays" cards decorated with pictures of 8-year-old Taylor and 3-year-old Mackenzie.

Their home is decorated with a silver menorah and Hanukkah presents wrapped in colorful paper printed with dreidels, four-sided tops often played on Hanukkah.

A few feet away, a Christmas tree soars toward the ceiling, and stockings are hung by the fireplace.

"Taylor feels like Santa won't stop if we don't put our stockings up," said Heather Mahlinger, Taylor and Mackenzie's mother.

Christmas and Hanukkah, an eight-day Jewish holiday celebrating religious freedom, are always within a month or two of each other. This year, though, Christmas and the first day of Hanukkah fall on Sunday.

It can create a delicate situation for interfaith families. But the Mahlingers address the issue by celebrating both.

Heather, Taylor and Mackenzie Mahlinger are Jewish. Charles Mahlinger, their husband and father, is Christian.

"The Jewish religion and the Christian religion at this time of year -- I don't want to say there's a contradiction, but there are differences," Heather Mahlinger said.

Mahlinger grew up in Louisville and Nashville and was raised Jewish. When she was 15, her mother married a Christian from Hancock County, and the new, blended family lived here.

Everyone was going to be Christian, the parents decided. Mahlinger and her two younger brothers were given no choice.

"We were trying to meld as a new family," she acknowledges. However, "you can't get away from what your fabric is."

Taylor Mahlinger, 8,watches her mother, Heather Mahlinger, light the candles on the family menorahat their home. Photo by John Dunham, M-I

Mahlinger attended college in California but moved back to Owensboro, met Owensboro native Charles Mahlinger and married him 10 years ago.

Until Taylor was about 2, the family attended First Christian Church here. Heather Mahlinger had attended that church as a teen.

Once children come along, "you have to make a decision," she said. "I wanted them to learn what I knew in childhood."

The experiences of other interfaith families convinced her young people do best if they identify with and are guided by one faith, instead of two, she said.

Now Mahlinger and the girls attend Temple Adath Israel. The congregation is so small there is no regular religious education for children, but Mahlinger supplements their training with books on Judaism.

Today Taylor considers herself Jewish, Mahlinger said.

"I want her educated in all of it," Judaism and Christianity, her mother said. Taylor did attend church sometimes with her late grandmother, she said.

The family celebrates Christmas as well as Hanukkah because "we're trying to balance two faiths. You want to represent both as much as you can," Mahlinger said. "Charlie grew up experiencing Christmas."

"All their friends celebrate Christmas," Charles Mahlinger said, "and we want them to be part of that also."

The Christmas decorations at his house are mostly Santas and snowmen. He just never happened to own a Nativity scene, even as a youngster, Charles Mahlinger said.

The family's celebration may be more secular than religious, but "Taylor understands that Christmas is the birth of Jesus," Heather Mahlinger said. And although her girls look forward to Santa's visits, "they really do understand (the meaning of Christmas) is not Santa Claus."

This year, the Mahlingers' celebration will include hosting Christian relatives for Christmas dinner. Latkes, potato pancakes traditionally served for Hanukkah, will be included on the menu.

"They will get to see the girls light the menorah," Heather Mahlinger said.

Hanukkah recalls a miracle that occurred in 165 B.C. after the Jewish Macabees defeated the Hellenistic Syrians who tried to wipe out Jewish culture and religion.

When the Macabees cleaned and re-dedicated their temple in Jerusalem, they found only enough ritual oil to light the menorah for one night. Miraculously, the flame continued burning for seven more.

Although the holiday lasts eight days, it really doesn't mean children get gifts for eight days, Heather Mahlinger said. "There are only one or two gift nights," usually at the start of the holiday. "Children really can't wait past the first night."

"Gelt," which is Yiddish for coins -- either real ones or chocolate coins wrapped in foil -- is a popular gift for Hanukkah.

The Mahlingers also encourage their daughters to save real money throughout the year and pick a charity during the holidays to donate to. "We try to keep them focused on what's really important," Mahlinger said.

On Hanukkah's other nights, families read or tell stories, make homemade gifts or spend time with grandparents. "It's not commercialized," although "it seems like it's getting that way," she said.

Some Jews in the United States complain that a relatively minor Jewish holiday is being blown into a gift-giving extravaganza to compete with Christmas so Jewish children won't feel left out.

"I think the parents are trying to compete with Christmas, in a way," said Mahlinger, who used to share Christian holidays with her friends when she was a child and then share Hanukkah with them.

Overindulging children "just really takes away from the spirit of the holiday," she said.

It helps that her oldest daughter is home schooled, Mahlinger said. She's not hearing her classmates compare Christmas wish lists.

Her family's solution has been to "keep it very calm" while observing multiple holidays, Mahlinger said. "We try not to overdo either one."

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Copyright (c) 2005, Messenger-Inquirer, Owensboro, Ky.

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Source: Messenger-Inquirer

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