The Buffalo News, N.Y., Jeff Simon Column: The Tommies Recall the Good and the Ugly
By Jeff Simon, The Buffalo News, N.Y.
Jan. 6–Publicity legend has it that Tom Cruise was voted “least likely to succeed” in his high school graduating class. But then, lest anyone think that his Oprah couchjumping, “I know the history of psychiatry and you don’t” TV tour of a few years ago has flared and died in the firefly history of public idiocy, take a good look at the box office returns for Robert Redford’s “I know the history of fighting in Afghanistan and you don’t” movie “Lions for Lambs,” which costars Cruise and was bankrolled, in part, by him.
So I’m still calling these annual awards the Tommies, in honor of television as the greatest delivery system ever devised for instant public disgrace — even in the YouTube era. Some will remember that for 30 years, they were called The Dumonts and were awarded in celebration of TV’s apparently infinite capacity for absurdity, bullroar and info-garbage. The 2007 Tommies:
It’s Called Karma: Oprah Winfrey, it seems, was less than enthralled with the news that her father was writing a tell-all book and had neglected to tell her. And the opening of St. Oprah’s School for Girls in Africa was marred by reports of staff abuse. It is absolutely untrue that the next choice for Oprah’s book club will be the Marquis de Sade’s defloration epic “Justine.”
It’s Called Karma II: When Chris Matthews was on Jon Stewart’s “The Daily Show,” Stewart (who actually read Matthews’ book) lambasted both its premise and everything else about its author, who howled in response “this is the worst interview I’ve ever done in my life!”
Between a Rock and A Hard Place: A-list celebrities now have the following choice in late-night talk shows: cross a picket line and do Leno, etc., or do a WGA-sanctioned Letterman (whose own writer-friendly production company negotiated a separate peace with the WGA) and earn the eternal, if covert, enmity of every talk show that has a picket sign in front of its studio. Who says it’s easy to be famous?
Reality TV Star of the Year: Britney Spears, who consecrated the nightly version of TMZ. Whatever she may be in life, she now occupies the following role in our national mythology: the toxic fame slut and party girl whose driving skills and parenting skills are, at best, dubious and even less in evidence than her underwear. Why does anyone care? Because she makes every other woman in America feel like a combination of Katharine Hepburn and Mother Teresa.
Runner Up to Reality TV Star of the Year: Rosie O’Donnell, whose antics on “The View” were clearly a plea to get voted off the island.
Reality TV Host of the Year: Tom Bergeron of “Dancing With the Stars,” the glibmeister.
The Debut of A.J. Soprano, TV Scriptwriter: The ridiculous “say what?” finale of “The Sopranos.” Maybe that’s secretly why every professional writer in Hollywood went on strike.
Katie Agonistes: Katie Couric took over the CBS Evening News and watched its ratings tank while the network’s old news guard smirked and Dan Rather criticized her for “tarting up” the news. Meanwhile, it remains a pretty good news broadcast and she remains a very talented TV journalist.
So Help Me God, They Weren’t That Bad: The instantly canceled and kinda pleasantly outrageous “Viva Laughlin” and the roundly lambasted metrosexual comedy soap “Big Shots” (the testosterone version of “Desperate Housewives”).
On The Other Hand, Even Worse Than Imagined Was. . . : Fox’s Buffalo-set sitcom “The Winner”; Sarah Silverman’s sitcom in celebration of the joys of using words like “doody” on TV; and the show that introduced manual relief to premium cable sexuality, the relentlessly therapeutic “Tell Me You Love Me.” After a couple of episodes, you wanted to tell the show to go get a room.
But Then Conclusive Proof That No Subject Anywhere Is Funnier Than Sex: Was Showtime’s “Californication,” the TV comedy of the year, by far. At long last, David Duchovny found his perfect role.
HBO’s Last Stand: The John Landis documentary on Don Rickles “Mr. Warmth” was the best thing on the network since its “Sopranos” heyday. “The Wire” notwithstanding, the action is now decisively elsewhere — on Showtime’s “Dexter,” say, and especially “Brotherhood,” the best TV drama of 2007.
Woman of the Year: A tough call. Christina Applegate in the great screwball premise of “Samantha Who?” was awfully good. There was nothing wrong with Glenn Close in “Damages.” either. But Holly Hunter in “Saving Grace” was for all time.
Man of the Year: Keith Olbermann and Stephen Colbert are the hauntings that the Bush Years probably deserve, but Jon Stewart is remaking the informational world, as we speak (though without writers, it’s awfully hard).
jsimon@buffnews.com
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