The Modesto Bee, Calif., Scene and Heard Column

By Pat Clark, The Modesto Bee, Calif.

Jun. 8–You might have seen the Associated Press story last week citing a study that found six out of 10 DVR users regularly fast-forward through commercials while they watch television.

The story brings up plenty of questions for the television industry — how to retain advertiser dollars in this age of rampant technology, how to keep viewers tuned in to the ads, how to come up with alternative ways to sneak in ads.

But the only burning question I had upon reading the story — and, specifically, that six-of-10 statistic — was who in the world are those four people not fast-forwarding through the commercials?

Truly. What’s up with that?

If asked to guess how many people didn’t use their handy-dandy fast-forward button to avoid commercials, I would have said one out of 10, tops, figuring there’s always one person in every group who likes to stay up to date on anything and everything, even if it’s the latest AFLAC duck episode or new encounter with the Geico caveman.

(And don’t even get me started on the whole Geico caveman deal getting turned into a network sitcom. That’s just ridiculous. But, of course, I don’t know much about the caveman and his apparent charms, being among the six out of 10 who totally ignore him and his ilk.) Usually those duck-watchers are the same people who always win at Trivial Pursuit or immediately know the answer when you can’t put your finger on some piece of ticky-tack information from the 1982 Super Bowl.

But four out of 10? That’s a lot of needless AFLAC quacking, if you ask me.

To be honest, reading that AP story made me feel ever so slightly guilty about ignoring the guys who pay the network bills. After all, if it weren’t for advertisers, networks wouldn’t have the money to create all those TV shows that I’ve come to depend on for my nightly entertainment escapism.

Heck, even advertisers need the love.

Then there’s the whole destruction of life as we know it problem to consider. Think about it: dwindling advertising dollars means fewer quality shows. Fewer quality shows means more reality TV. More reality TV means more shows like “Who’s Going To Be The Next Half-Naked Female Member Of a Group Of Vapid, Bust-Inflated, Mystic Tan-Attacked Women Who Can’t Actually Sing But, Damn, They’re Hot?!” And more shows like that can only hasten the downfall of society. How can those of us in the six-out-of-10 crew live with ourselves for that little domino nightmare?

Summer is the perfect opportunity for us to make viewing amends with deep-pocket advertisers. Given that it’s rerun season, there are fewer options on TiVo’s Now Playing list to fast-forward through, anyway. It’s a chance to watch more real-time TV and a to do our part to keep advertisers feeling needed.

Well, it’s one theory, anyway. But with all those darn channels to flip around to, anyone with a remote and a quick finger still can avoid a vast number of those annoying…er, necessary commercials, even in real time.

Wow, now I really feel guilty. Wait. Give me a minute.

OK, that passed.

But, hey, let’s give a round of applause for those four out of 10 freaks…er, folks out there doing their part to keep the ad revenue flowing.

I don’t understand exactly how their minds work, but darned if they don’t make it easier for us six out of 10ers to sleep at night.

Scene editor Pat Clark can be reached at pclark@modbee.com.

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