Vampire seeks Minnesota governor’s job
MINNEAPOLIS (Reuters) – Minnesota voters, who eight years
ago elected a former professional wrestler as their governor,
may find a self-proclaimed vampire on the ballot for the office
“Politics is a cut-throat business,” said Jonathan “The
Impaler” Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for
governor on Friday on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and
Like Jesse “The Body” Ventura, who was elected governor as
an independent in 1998, the 41-year-old Sharkey once was a
wrestler, although he spent his time “The Unholiest of Kings:
Tarantula” on obscure professional circuits.
“I’m a Satanist who doesn’t hate Jesus,” Sharkey told
Reuters. “I just hate God the Father.”
However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected,
will post “everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca
Reed” in government buildings.
Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child
molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside
the state capitol.
Sharkey told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that he’s a
vampire “just like you see in the movies and TV.”
“I sink my fangs into the neck of my donor … and drink
their blood,” he said, adding that his donor is his wife,
The field for the governor’s race in Minnesota is far from
complete. Republican incumbent Tim Pawlenty is widely expected
to seek another term in November and his Democratic opponent
has not been determined.
Sharkey said he planned to announce his candidacy on Friday
– the 13th — because that was “my lucky number.”