September 11 widow ready to help others
By Belinda Goldsmith
NEW YORK (Reuters) – It has taken five years for Pattie
Carrington to come to terms with the death of her husband on
September 11, but now she is ready to make changes in her life
and wants to help others get through the kind of loss she
faced.
British-born Jeremy Carrington, 34, called “Caz” by friends
and colleagues, was a trader at securities brokerage Cantor
Fitzgerald, which suffered the greatest death toll that day,
losing 658 employees in the World Trade Center.
He went to work as usual that morning. In total, 2,759
people died in the World Trade Center towers.
“I think it was the acceptance that was the most difficult
part. It was such a shock and it was so unbelievable. They were
so alive, these people,” Carrington, 39, told Reuters in an
interview.
Carrington, who was raised in New England but has lived in
New York for nearly 20 years, at first stayed busy as a
managing director at Deutsche Asset Management, putting in long
hours as she struggled to accept what had happened.
But just before the attacks’ first anniversary, she met
with three other September 11 widows in their 30s. The four
forged a strong bond and began their own support group called
the Widows Club.
This month sees the release of their book, “Love You, Mean
It,” a memoir of rebuilt lives.
In the book, Carrington, Julia Collins, Claudia Gerbasi and
Ann Haynes explain how their friendship guided them through the
suffering, making them more empathetic and attuned to life.
Gerbasi’s husband Bart Ruggiere, 32, and Haynes’ husband
Ward Haynes, 35, also worked at Cantor Fitzgerald, which has
distributed $180 million to survivors of employees killed in
the attacks. Tom Collins, 36, worked at broker-dealer Sandler
O’Neill & Partners, which also gave financial help to
survivors.
Although their families and friends were eager to help, the
widows found themselves drawn together to talk without worrying
about depressing others, saying the wrong thing, or making
anyone uncomfortable with their intense unhappiness.
The book’s title came from the signoff they used in their
e-mails and phone conversations.
“By writing all this down, we’ve been able to see in black
and white just how far we’ve come and how much we’ve helped one
another,” write the women.
“Now we see life — the demands of it, the fragility of it,
the beauty of it — with all its possibilities.”
MOVING FORWARD
The book tells how each of the women met their husbands,
the shock of their deaths, and how their friendship for each
other gave them strength.
They called each other at any time during the day or night.
They coaxed each other into therapy. They ensured birthdays and
vacations were made special and not empty days.
Carrington said writing the book helped her come to terms
with her husband’s death, and in June this year she quit her
job and spent more than two months traveling in Italy.
Two of the others in the group — Gerbasi and Haynes —
have remarried since 9/11.
Carrington said she now wants to do something different, be
that working in charity, teaching or studying.
She intends to stay in New York, where she still lives in
the Brooklyn apartment she shared with her husband, and she
spends free time with their dog Lola at their beach house in
nearby East Hampton.
Carrington, whose eyes reveal the pain she had endured,
hopes the book will inspire others.
“There are all sorts of losses in life – not just the loss
of a spouse. It can be a job, divorce, a child, everything. It
is a message of ‘Don’t give up, and reach out’,” she said.
Proceeds from the book will go to charity.
Carrington said she would never have thought five years ago
that she could accept what happened and move forward, but she
was also determined not to give up.
“(Caz) is always on mind. He’s always with me. Many of my
decisions are based on my conversations with him even though
they may be one directional. He would have been very supportive
of how I’ve handled things. Not perfectly, but I tried my best.
He would want me to live my life.”