With Child, Online ; Nearly 30 Percent of Online Moms Use the Internet to Get Information About Pregnancy, Parenting or Being a New Mom, According to the AOL Life Management Survey By Opinion Research Corporation (May 2004).

When I found out that I was pregnant, I didn’t tell anyone at first. Unless you count the several hundred strangers I met online.

As first-time parents, my husband and I were wary about announcing our news until we’d made it past the first trimester. Still, I was hungry for information and eager to connect with other moms-to-be.

The Internet was the obvious place to turn. From behind a screen name, I could talk about my morning sickness without people I knew finding out about the pregnancy. I could surf hundreds of baby sites, from the serious to the silly.

While nothing can replace talking in person with other parents or sharing the news with family and friends, the Internet makes it easier than ever for busy expectant parents to connect with others and do research – from deciding what crib to buy to figuring out how to handle a fussy toddler.

AOL estimates that of mothers who have an Internet connection, nearly 30 percent use their computer to get information about pregnancy and parenting. I’ve used my computer to find moms in my area, and even chat with women expecting in the same month.

Online, my husband and I are able to watch short video clips together about fetal development. By scanning in photos and e- mailing them, we make sure far-flung relatives can see pictures of my ever-expanding belly.

I’ve downloaded a list of pregnancy do’s and don’ts that was more extensive than the one I got from my doctor. I’ve browsed for baby clothes and comparison-shopped for strollers. I’ve joined online communities and read posts from other expecting women or essays by veteran moms.

Of course, I check out things with my doctor, and, in the past several months, had long discussions with friends and family. But my computer was an incredible resource and now, with the baby just about due, I still find myself turning to it almost every day.

Baby answers

One of my favorite sites quickly became BabyCenter.com, where I paid $24.95 to join their premium service. That got me access to its online video library, a subscription to a glossy parenting magazine and its online Ultimate Pregnancy Safety Guide.

The site is particularly helpful when it comes to quirkier issues. For example, was it OK to get a manicure? Turns out I wasn’t the only one wondering about such minutiae, and online, I could find answers without having to call the doctor’s office every five minutes.

One of BabyCenter’s nicest features is that it gives you two expert opinions on these sorts of things – sometimes the doctors agree (don’t take ibuprofen) and sometimes they don’t (one says it’s OK to take Vitamin C, the other says it’s not).

But their answers are clear and help parents make a more informed decision, or at least have some background information before they talk to their midwife or doctor.

Wondering about genetic testing, I talked to a friend who mentioned a non-invasive test my doctor hadn’t suggested. BabyCenter referred me to an excellent article about the test, which I ended up bringing to my doctor; together, we decided to have the test done.

Perhaps the best feature of BabyCenter is the online discussions on specific topics.

Late in the pregnancy, my low-riding baby started causing me some pain. I posted to the “pregnancy worries and complaints” bulletin board and got five replies from women with the same problem, including one who went online in the middle of the night and was relieved that she wasn’t alone.

The site also let me join a group of women, who were expecting at the same time as I was, and search for anyone living in my area. Live chats and a newsletter that tracks my baby’s developments week by week became some of my favorite features.

One caveat, however, is that the site is heavy on advertising (with pop-up ads) and pushes shopping and sales a bit aggressively at times.

Other online resources

A few of the other great resources I discovered:

America Online recently announced AOL Parenting, which combines (for members) information from Parenting, Baby Talk and Healthy Pregnancy magazines.

There’s a directory with thousands of articles from Parenting magazine, a weekly planner that you can customize to track your pregnancy, and networks such as Pregnancy Circles and Mom-to-Mom Circles, which allow you to connect with other women.

If you’re looking for baby names, AOL’s Baby Namer Tool lets you explore thousands of names, provides the story behind a name, tracks the name’s popularity over time and enables members to share their favorites with friends and family.

For an alternative take, I turned to Mothering.com, the online home of Mothering, the magazine of natural family living. This is the gathering place for parents who prefer organic food, want to use cloth diapers, prefer midwives to doctors and might even try a home birth.

The site lets you search for past articles on a variety of topics, offers live chats, book reviews, recipes (learn to make your own baby food!) and poetry. Their discussion forums cover topics from breast-feeding to activism.

Curious about the current medical thinking on circumcision, I read opinions about the procedure on mainstream sites, but turned to Mothering to hear from doctors and parents opposed to the surgery.

And at BabiesRUs.com, I created a shower list and spent hours reading parents’ reviews of products. Some were unexpectedly amusing, like the review of baby bibs by a mom angry about an inaccuracy in a bib’s “rain forest” motif: They had lions on them, and lions don’t live in the rain forest, she fumed!

Local Web sites can also be great resources. I visited community sites in my area, including ones run by bookstores I liked and others run by the city or township. Eager to meet other mothers face- to-face, I registered on a local message board, posted a query and got a referral to a new mom’s group.

I wonder if they’ll let me bring my laptop.

(SIDEBAR, page F04)

Recommended sites

BIRTH INFO:

* expectantmothersguide. com/local/newjersey.htm: A new parent’s guide to maternity and baby stores, hospitals and birth-related services in the New Jersey area.

* wisewomanbirthways.com /index.cfm: Childbirth preparation, infant massage and classes for new moms in North Jersey.

* dona.org: Web site of Doulas of North America, an organization of women who offer support to birthing women and their partners.

* lamaze.org: Web site of Lamaze International, which promotes, supports and protects normal birth through education and advocacy.

* midwiferytoday.com: Pregnancy, birth, home-birth and midwife information.

MISCELLANEOUS:

* state.nj.us/health/fhs/wic: This page has details about the state’s Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants and Children, also known as the WIC program.

* lalecheleaguenj.org: Web site of New Jersey’s La Leche League, an organization dedicated to helping moms breastfeed.

* consumerreports.org: See the Babies and Kids section; it has ratings for cribs and strollers.

* drspock.com: Web site of the world’s best-known pediatrician.

* For clothing: onehotmama.com, mother wear.com, motherhood.com.