Preparing for the Arrival of a New Baby

The closest I’ve ever come to overseeing a sociological experiment is playing “The Sims” on my home computer.

Basically, you’re in charge of these little digital people who go through every facet of existence _ love, life, career and so on _ and observe as their moods and lives change. The characters change as they are introduced to the other little digital people in their little digital neighborhoods.

Some mesh well with others, and some don’t. Some become antisocial recluses, bent on spending free time alone in front of the television. It’s an imperfect representation of human interaction, but one that’s fun to watch unfold.

In my house, we’re getting ready to go through a drastic change. Soon, we’ll be introducing a new baby into a family that, at present, consists of two adults, a 2-1/2-year-old boy and two cats.

My wife, the brains of our outfit, started several weeks ago trying to ensure a smooth, successful transition. The cats now sleep in a closed basement so there can be no sneaking into the baby’s room in the middle of the night.

She did this in November, so that the furry little devils don’t associate their new (albeit temporary) nighttime arrangements with the arrival of the baby. With our son, it’s going to be trickier.

Many child psychologists will tell you that sibling rivalry kicks in right after the new baby comes into the world. The older child can get frustrated that the attention paid to him has suddenly been reduced, and he starts to regress; he’ll ask for a bottle like the baby gets, or, if he’s already been potty-trained, he’ll start wetting his pants again.

Will our child fall into this pattern of behavior? Honestly, we’re not sure.

For the past several months, we’ve talked with Eric about his baby brother. He knows his brother’s name, and my wife has shown him books about babies. Luckily, Eric’s baby sitter has also been caring for an infant, and he has aided her (as best a toddler can) in feeding him a bottle and changing diapers.

The University of Michigan’s psychiatry department provides suggestions about family dynamics on its Web site. Among them:

_ Set aside special time for your older child. Each parent should spend some one-on-one time with the older child every day.

_ Listen to how your child feels about the baby and the changes in your family. If he expresses negative feelings, acknowledge them. Help your child put his feelings into words.

_ Make sure it is very clear that absolutely no hurting is allowed. Give your child other ways to express bad or angry feelings he may have toward the baby. For example, he could draw an angry picture of the baby, or act out his wishes with dolls or roar like a lion.

And, perhaps most important:

_ Remind visitors to pay attention to the older child when they come over, not just the new baby. After all, everyone wants to feel special, right?

(Ryan Reynolds is an editor at the Evansville (Ind.) Courier & Press. Contact him at ryanr(at)evansville.net)

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