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All This Governmental Food for Thought Can Really Get Confusing

Posted on: Friday, 14 January 2005, 12:00 CST

Speaking as a man who enjoys a heart-healthy breakfast of steak fried in butter and eggs over easy, along with lashings of Jimmy Dean sausage for that country taste, I am a teensy-weensy bit confused about diet.

Obviously I am prolonging my life with this high-protein, no- vegetable, no-fruit diet.

Sure, I used to be one of those sun-desiccated guys shopping at Whole Foods Markets for brewer's yeast and gluten-free breads.

But that was before I read that famous New York Times article a couple of years back, the one claiming that America's terrifying obesity and diabetes upswing began with a government-issued food pyramid, the one that favored carbs and confined life-giving saturated fats to the Donner Pass-stranded end of consumption.

That pasta and beans-heavy diet pleased me because it was in keeping with the hideous health food diet that I had been eating for years with all those broccoli casseroles in wholesome cheese-like product and breads like something abandoned in Gaul by the Roman legions.

Mind you, I wasn't all that hefty but if the New York Times says that it's time to reconsider diets pushed by people like the late Dr. Atkins, then why not try it? And never mind that absolutely everyone that I knew, all those people eating nothing but meat and more meat, looked somewhat better than I did -- which may not be saying much.

Suddenly all the large people I knew had stopped eating massive Tupperware bowls of salad for lunch and were now chowing on low- carbohydrate stuff that tasted just as good as the ghastly stuff that I used to buy from health food stores.

Then, just as quickly as it began, the low carb thing became ever so last season.

This was followed by what appears to be a backlash against the food gestapo with overfed people protest-buying 1,400-calorie burgers festooned with cheese, bacon and mayo -- hold the lettuce and tomato please. Are you trying to make us sick?

And pay no attention to that digital calorie-burner readout on your treadmill, the one with an annoying habit of demonstrating that an hour of making like a rat in a cage has just about worked off the bag of Doritos you ate with that mega-calorie gut bomb.

Still, until Wednesday, I was set on my all-fat-all-the-time diet as the most enjoyable way to clean my arteries and ensure that I live long enough to pay all my children's bills. Then the gumment (that's what we carnivores call the so-called Department of Health and Human Services) released its new food guidelines.

Apparently the old food guidelines, going all the way back to the beef-will-make-a-man-of-you diets of my youth, were apparently incorrect. So why should we believe that the new guidelines issued this week are any more correct than the sour cream smothered potato diets of old?

Well, here's a bare bones take on new food rules that have both the Sugar Association and the Salt Institute (Who knew?) up in arms because the gumment (Why is this its business?) wants us to restrict our intake of both.

For starters, cut out dessert. Then walk 30 to 90 minutes each day, do 10 pushups a day while watching TV (10 pushups will do wonders), take half of your carbs (3 ounces per day) from whole grains, drink three cups of fat-free milk per day, limit salt to 1 teaspoon per day and sugar to less than one sweetened drink per day, eat two cups of fruits and 2 1/2 cups of vegetables per day while total fat from fish, nuts and vegetable oils should make up 20 to 35 percent of caloric intake. And keep in mind that less than 10 percent of calories should come from saturated fat (See paragraph 1 above).

And what's with this idea that calorie intake should be balanced with calorie expenditure? My God, if we ran our lives this way the credit card industry would go bust!

Meanwhile, I'm more confused than ever. So I'm thinking that I'll just eat a nice 42-ounce T-bone while awaiting the next fad, federal guideline or death, whichever comes first.I want to hear your comments -- the good, the bad, the ugly. Connect with me at:

* john.bogert@dailybreeze.com

* 310-543-6681

* Daily Breeze/John Bogert, 5215 Torrance Blvd., Torrance, CA 90503-4077

Source: Daily Breeze

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