Woman Wants Her 4-Year-Old in the Delivery Room

By AMY DICKINSON

Q. I am the support person for my best friend’s pregnancy and delivery; she has a 4-year-old and is due later this month.

Recently, she asked me to attend a class with her and her daughter. During the class, I realized that they were preparing her daughter to be present during the delivery. I asked my friend if she was sure, and she said yes.

The nurse in charge of the class gave her a certificate that says that her child is allowed to be present in the room.

Because I’m the support person, she wants me to be with her daughter during labor and delivery. I am very uncomfortable with this. I have a small child as well, and I believe it is not appropriate for a small child to be present during labor or delivery.

My friend has been very emotional, and I am not quite sure how to bring it up to her that I do not want to be part of the labor and delivery if her child will be present. She doesn’t have family support, so there isn’t someone else to fill in.

I want to help her out and be there for her, but I don’t want to be responsible for watching over the child while labor and delivery are taking place.

She said that if her daughter gets uncomfortable, I should take her to the waiting room.

How do I talk to her about this without damaging our friendship?

Friend in a Fix

Evidently, your friend is having children without the benefit of fathers in their lives otherwise the dad would take over this very important duty.

You should sit down with her right away and review her “birth plan.” Ask her to articulate as clearly as she can what she wants and how she would want you to support her given the many possible variables.

Your friend obviously needs a second “support person” perhaps a sitter for your child and hers during the labor and delivery. I can imagine a scenario in which her daughter has a meltdown at an inopportune time and your friend gives birth without your support because you will be attending to her daughter elsewhere.

If you are unwilling to participate, you’re simply going to have to tell her, but don’t kid yourself your friendship will be affected.

Q. For the past two years, I have been living at college. My roommate took me under her wing and helped me become an independent young woman. I started to take better care of myself, started exercising, taking vitamins, eating healthier etc.

Now that I have graduated, I am looking for a job. I went back home to crash with my parents until I find one.

My mother still sees me as her little baby girl. She is trying to undo everything that I became at school. She doesn’t like the fact that I have a set time that I get up and exercise, or that my food is healthier.

She doesn’t like any of the changes I’ve made in my life. She wants me to stay as her little baby girl.

How can I tell her that I am a young woman, and not the baby girl she needs to coddle anymore?

Proud College Grad

The changes you’ve made in your life sound healthy and positive. Now you have to learn to assert yourself in a calm and respectful way.

If you get it together, get a job and move out of the house, your mother should get the message fairly quickly that you’ve matured and changed.

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