Pets, Plants and Old Friends Make Terrific Stress-Busters

Stress has become one of those catch-all terms to describe the things that happen in our lives that make us feel tense or angry or ill. And there’s no denying that we live in stressful times. But it’s not really "things" that cause us stress-it’s how we interpret and react to them. Stress involves a complex mix of emotional, physical and behavioral responses-and each of us experiences it differently. What’s relaxing to one person may be stressful to another. Indeed, for the serious workaholic, spending an entire week taking it easy at the beach might be more frustrating than fun.

Living with stress also has its plus side. As Drs. Michael F. Roizen and Mehmet C. Oz write in their book You: Staying Young, stress is necessary and can be good for us. It heightens our biological systems so we can deal with an impending threat-whether it’s an enemy, a natural disaster or a daily challenge. Stress makes our concentration more focused, our reaction time faster and it increases our strength. It also gives us the concentration and ability to finish a project or meet a deadline.

But especially, as we get older, prolonged stress often becomes a major driver of health problems. In other words, too much stress can affect our sleep, weaken our immune system, alter our heart rate and make us more susceptible to a life-altering accident.

Adapting to life’s challenges

Stress management is all about adapting to the challenges of our daily lives-but first, we need to figure out what’s going wrong. Are we constantly feeling the pressure of time? Do we have too much work to do? Are we worrying about a sick relative? Here are some ways to get started:

* Identify the parts of your life that need attention, it’s easier to manage stress when other aspects of your life-from your general health to your eating and sleeping patterns-are in good working order.

* Rethink your expectations. You may not be able to change someone else’s expectations, but you can adjust your own if they are unrealistic. Remember, perfectionism can be good and bad. It can help us strive to do our best and it can torment us. Set reasonable goals that you can achieve.

* Learn to live with ambiguity. We live in a fast-paced society and we often want quick answers and easy solutions. Then, when things don’t turn out that way, we feel shaken and stressed. The reality is that we all have to learn to live with "loose ends" and uncertainty. Things are rarely all black or white.

* Tune up your attitude. Do you dwell on criticism? Jump to conclusions? Expect the worst? Beware of negative thinking.

* Practice planning. Buy stamps before you need them. Stash extra car keys and house keys for the inevitable emergency. Set up contingency plans for picking up kids at school. Pick up holiday gifts when you’re on vacation.

* Spend more time with friends. Having a strong social network is a vital element in reducing the negative health effects of stress. Gossiping, playing poker, having a girlfriend spa day, and golfing with a buddy are more than just fun and games. Hanging out with friends is like a good tonic. Friends can help us manage chronic stress, and they can be an anchor in stormy seas.

* Emphasize cooperation. It’s better than confrontation and always having to "be right." A little give and take will reduce your strain and make your relationships with others more comfortable both at home and at work.

* Talk to yourself. Faced with a stressful situation, many people find it helpful to remind themselves: "This too shall pass,""This is a learning experience,""Get a grip,""Don’t sweat the small stuff" or even "Someday we’ll laugh about this."

* Spend more time doing less with your kids, often, busy parents try to accomplish something whenever they’re with their children. It’s stressful to try to make every minute with your child "productive." Relax and enjoy some unscheduled hanging-out time together.

* Make time for yourself. This is not a selfish act-and it need not be for a long period of time. Spending 10 minutes quietly reading a magazine, meditating or taking a nap can help you recharge and regroup.

* Keep pets and plants in your life. Both are great destressors. Drs. Roizen and Oz report that plants in nursing homes have been found to lower blood pressure and decrease infection rates. And people who get a pet after having a heart attack are less likely to have another attack-especially if they walk that pet.

* Laugh more. Some situations are so absurd, laughter is the best medicine. If we can laugh more, we’ll enjoy life and may even live longer. Take a lighter approach with your family and everyone else you interact with.

* Develop a long-term perspective. For example, if you sign up for an evening course, it might add to your immediate juggling problems-but from a long-term perspective, it may be worth the extra pressure.

* Ask for help when you need it. We can do a lot of things alone, but dealing with major stress is not one of them. In the face of trauma, grief or depression, many of us retreat into our own thoughts. But that’s when we most need support. Treat depression as if it were a broken leg, say Drs. Roizen and Oz, because it’s every bit as much of a physical problem as any other health issue.

* Keep on working. Even if you retire from your job, find a way to continue working, as a volunteer or for pay, at something you truly enjoy. It will help you stay active physically and mentally, give you a life-enhancing sense of purpose, and maintain the strong social ties that are so necessary for stress management.

Relaxing and enjoying some unscheduled hanging-out time together.

No matter how bad it gets…

Louise Lague, author of "The Working Mom’s Book of Hints, Tips, and Everyday Wisdom," says it’s important to NOT skip the following activities:

EXERCISE-even if it’s only 20 minutes of brisk walking. You’ll feel better.

SHORT CHATS with someone who makes you laugh.

NOURISHING FOOD. You’ll need energy to endure. Avoid sugar highs and alcohol lows.

BEDTIME STORIES and breakfast chats with your children.

WASHING YOUR HAIR. Looking bad will make you feel worse.

A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP. Use warm milk or a bedtime book if that helps. Going without sleep will mess up your schedule for the next day.

YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Try to see what you’re going through as temporary.

Talking and laughing with good friends is another great stress- buster.