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Opinion - Baby Store Stresses Out Mother-to-Be

Posted on: Thursday, 17 March 2005, 18:00 CST

If one's ability to register for baby gifts is any indication of successful motherhood, I am going to be a complete failure. I don't know what Emily Post would think, but baby registries are about as big as wedding registries are today. And I must say, they truly are helpful to people who don't know what to purchase to welcome a new baby into one's circle of friends.

I have been one of those people for about a decade a nonmother, watching a series of friends and family members have children, but not knowing the virtues of a Dr. Brown's bottle or being able to distinguish a newborn car seat from an infant one. In addition to guiding novices, baby registries help avoid duplication and give an expectant mother a better chance of receiving a diaper bag that says I am still a grown adult, even though I have a baby. (Ever notice how many diaper bags suggest the baby will be carrying it, rather than the adult? I am contemplating converting my briefcase.)

Now that I am seven months pregnant, I have only a slightly better clue what the baby really can use when it gets here. I know it is something among food, clothes and love, as my favorite day-by- day pregnancy book tells me, and the list of 50-plus essentials Babies "R" Us and other stores are convinced all babies need.

I went to the baby clothing, bedding, bathing and car-gear palace in January, determined to make good on promises to generous friends to register. I sat down at the registry table and was given a folder, a clipboard and a scanning gun. It was the first time while pregnant that I realized I was underinformed and might not be up to the challenge: not the challenge of having and raising a child, mind you, but the challenge of having and living with baby gear.

Mint green and white; deal with it

I knew I was in trouble when asked what the nursery "theme" was. My baby's nursery has no "theme." While themes are popular and people want to pin you down with Winnie the Pooh, Beatrix Potter or some other lovable literary character for the next three years, I figure there will be many years in which my soon-to-be-born child will want a themed room, followed by an era of obnoxious school mascots and loud school colors. Why start now?

When I told the clerk the room was mint green and white and that bedding and decorations had already been handled, she left it alone. But I could see her inner disappointment that I wasn't filling every corner of the nursery with Piglets or adorning the walls with the Dish running away with the Spoon.

The trip in baby palace went downhill from there. Scanner in hand, I stood paralyzed four feet from the registry desk, overwhelmed. Watching other mothers-to-be giddily move from one aisle to the next zapping with reckless abandon, I stood, my zapper impotent, my energy already drained. A salesperson saved me from my stupor and took me to the high-ticket-item aisles: car seats, strollers, play pens. After an hour of reading tags and trying to fold awkward objects, I zapped a car seat, stroller and play pen and moved on to the playground aisles.

These aisles include "bouncy" seats, swings, jumpers, gyms and more. I couldn't figure out which one a baby would like best or why they cost so much, and I was terrified at the prospect of having to store all these things in my 1940s home. I quickly turned away and fled to the baby care department.

The task there was just as daunting. There were tubs and slings, and all sorts of good-smelling things. Feeling like a Dr. Suess creature lost in a sea of Star-Belly Sneeches, I closed my eyes, zapped a first aid kit and made a mad dash for the Diaper Genie (an item I was told would change my life). Then I turned in my zapper and left the store, having registered for just seven items.

The piece of paper the registry clerk handed me as I was leaving said, "Being prepared for Baby's arrival is essential to every new parent ... that is why we would like you to know that we have noticed that you did not register for the following key items that you may want to include on your registry."

I apologized to my belly and drove away, brainstorming the worst baby-room themes ever.

Elizabeth Hovde's column of personal opinion appears on the Other Opinions page each Thursday. Her e-mail address: elizabeth.hovde@columbian.com.

Source: Columbian

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