Don’t Let Money Matters Sink Relationship

By WOMEN AND MONEY SUZE ORMAN

I don’t have to know you and your partner to tell you that the surest way to become closer and replace stress with happiness is to get on board about how to deal with money.

No wishing allowed

When people in a relationship spill the beans about some sort of money issue that’s making for an unhappy partnership, it invariably takes me only about a minute to find out that the specific problem has been an issue practically since the day the couple got together.

Denial isn’t a strong tool for relationship management. If you know there’s a problem now, it’s only going to become a bigger problem later on if you don’t address it.

To love, honor and tell the truth

My experience is that most people who don’t respect money don’t respect themselves. If you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t handle money properly, the challenge is to create a supportive environment in which you both can take a look at the deeper issues that are manifesting themselves as poor money choices.

Separate isn’t equal

Here’s my strategy for how to merge finances in a relationship — “ours, mine and yours.”

– Ours is a joint checking account and joint credit card from which all living expenses are paid.

– Ours is a joint savings account in which we build up a stash equal to eight months of living expenses.

– Ours is combined long-term investments for retirement.

“Mine” and “yours”

“Mine” and “yours” are the separate accounts each of you keeps and are just as vital as the merged accounts.

I’m a big believer that you should always have a savings account in your own name. The idea is that once you’ve merged your finances, you each respect the right of the other to have some financial independence, too.

Each of you should also maintain one credit card that’s solely in your name. Without that, you have no credit record that’s yours alone.

Get it in writing

If you have yet to marry, I strongly recommend a prenuptial agreement. For those of you who are contemplating remarrying, you’re absolutely nuts to tie the knot again without carefully documenting the assets you have prior to the marriage.

Moreover, you both need an advance directive that lays out your medical care wishes if you become unable to speak for yourself. Those of you who are together but not married should also make sure you each have a durable power of attorney for health care.

And don’t think a will is all you need. A living revocable trust that has an incapacity clause is hands-down the best way to take care of your family.

Suze Orman is a best-selling author and Emmy award-winning TV host. Visit www.suzeorman.com.

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