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How To . . . Be a Good Sport Keeping Things in Perspective is Key for Fun, Not Frustration at Athletic Events

Posted on: Saturday, 11 June 2005, 00:00 CDT

The messages are everywhere you play to win; second place is first loser. If you make a touchdown, you do a little dance, flaunt it in the other team's face. If you slide into second and the ump calls you out, he's blind.

As summer sports season cranks into high gear, parents, coaches and players may find it harder to justify playing for the fun of it or being satisfied with doing their best even when that's not good enough.

After all, we live in a world where NBA players fight with members of the opposing team and fans provoke scuffles with taunts from the stands.

Even corporate America makes it clear that it's not so much how you conduct business as it is how much business you conduct.

The ends justify the means, so you do whatever it takes to get the result you want.

Erik Fisher, an Atlanta clinical psychologist with a background in sports psychology, said it's an attitude that is becoming more pervasive. "I think our culture is becoming much more of a win-it- all culture," he said. "We look at sources outside of ourselves to determine our worth and value."

As more children especially girls have opportunities to participate in organized sports, issues of sportsmanship become more prevalent.

"The landscape of youth sports has really changed," says Joel Fish, a sports psychologist and director of the Center for Sport Psychology in Philadelphia. "There is more pressure on winning as the stakes for the games become higher."

Many community athletic organizations are putting in place policies such as those developed by the National Alliance for Youth Sports to make it clear that unsportsmanship-like conduct won't be tolerated.

Russ Jacobs, baseball coach, player agent and assistant baseball commissioner for Manchester Township Athletic Association, said both players and parents must agree to the association's code of conduct when they sign up to participate. "You don't holler at umpires or scream at the kids," he said. "We flat out don't tolerate it."

As a coach, Jacobs deals with pouting kids and parents who think their child should be getting more playing time. "I'm constantly on the kids, and I'll be the first one to turn around to a fan and say, knock it off,' " he said. Still, he said problems are few and far between. "We've got a lot of good kids, so we don't have a whole lot of problems."

Fisher said it's not enough for players and parents to sign codes of conduct. Understanding why they act or react the way they do is the key to change.

"We're motivated to hide our weaknesses, our failures, our fears," he said. "If I win, I'm good and strong and get to feel good about myself. . . . It's all about image."

Rebecca Wilson, director of the Windsor Area Recreation Commission, said she has run across problems with parents yelling at coaches and disagreeing with their decisions. Last year, she said a pre-teen baseball player was kicked out of a game and eventually the league after he threatened to physically harm an umpire.

"The parent pretty much backed (the kid) up, which was the most disgusting part."

Wilson said she tells coaches and reminds parents that the players are kids and they're playing mostly for fun. "Nobody's perfect," she said. "The kids will learn more if you take a positive approach."

Jacobs said athletics is all about teaching young players life lessons.

"The reason you're there is to teach sportsmanship, teamwork and camaraderie, but someday you're going to have to be competitive, so you need to learn to come to practice and work hard if you want to be rewarded with more play," he said. "You're not going to remember if you won or lost a game when you were 13. You're going to remember the fun you had after the game and how the coach acted on the benches."

Reach Jennifer Vogelsong at 771-2034 or jvogelsong@ydr.com.

TIPS FOR PLAYERS Don't gloat when you win or make a good play.

Don't boo the mistakes of others or criticize their efforts.

Refrain from "trash talk" and taunting.

Keep your temper in check.

Play by the rules of the game.

Don't argue with coaches' decisions or officials' calls.

Congratulate opponents after the match, whether you've won or lost.

Source: http://www.familyeducation.com

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TIPS FOR COACHES Place the emotional and physical well-being of the players ahead of the desire to win.

Treat each player as an individual, remembering the large range of emotional and physical development for children in the same age group.

Lead by example in demonstrating fair play and sportsmanship.

Play by the rules of the game.

Make every practice and game a challenging, fun and educational experience for the players.

Source: The National Alliance for Youth Sports

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TIPS FOR SPECTATORS Applaud good plays, no matter who makes them.

Don't try to live vicariously through your child or other players.

Keep comments positive.

Remember that you're a spectator, not the coach. Shout words of encouragement, not instructions.

Keep things in perspective. Remind yourself it's just a game.

Source: kidshealth.org

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TIPS FOR PARENTS Psychologist Erik Fisher suggests parents use the following guidelines to keep things positive on the drive home from a game or practice:

What did you do well?

What did you feel good about?

What do you feel your team did well?

What do you feel you could do differently?

What do you feel you learned about yourself, others on the team and other people as people?

What can you take from this to feel good about your effort?

He suggests parents remind their players that the purpose of failure is to learn something and the goal shouldn't be winning at all costs, but rather playing with honor and integrity.

"It's a hollow victory when you win by cheating," he said. "You may be holding the trophy up there, but inside, you know."

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TIPS FOR TOUGH MOMENTS It's hard to go through a season without disagreeing with a call, a coach's decision or the actions of players on the field. Use the following guidelines to handle such situations:

Approach the coach in person (and in private, if possible) to express your concerns.

Remember that coaches, umpires and referees are human and often aren't getting paid for the work they're doing.

Keep the incident in perspective. How much will it matter years from now?

You are a role model for others. How you conduct yourself sends a strong message.

Remember that while competition is healthy, winning isn't everything. Much of the value of sports comes from the fun, exercise, camaraderie and skills learned.

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FOR MORE On the big screen: A new movie, "Kicking & Screaming," features Will Ferrell as a youth soccer coach who will go to any lengths to win and eventually realizes the error of his ways.

On the shelf:

"The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict: Understanding Emotions and Power Struggles" by Erik A. Fisher and Steven W. Sharp.

"101 Ways to be a Good Sports Parent: Making Athletics a Positive Experience for Your Child," by Joel Fish and Susan Magee.

Online:

http://www.charactercounts.org

http://www.nays.org

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SURVEY SAYS . . . The Character Counts Coalition conducted a sportsmanship survey of 4,200 high school athletes in 2004 and found the following:

Boys are far more likely than girls to exhibit cynical attitudes and engage in illegal or unsportsman-like conduct.

Large numbers of athletes endorsed coaches arguing with officials, instructing athletes how to play illegally without getting caught and using a stolen play book from another team.

Most athletes agree that use of performance-enhancing drugs is unhealthy and constitutes cheating.

Nearly three-quarters of athletes said they would rather play on a team with a losing record than sit on the bench for a winning team.

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Source: York Daily Record

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