Ladies Awake Their Inner Aphrodite at Sex Workshop

CATALINA, Ariz. – At the Awakening Aphrodite sex workshop at Miraval, Life in Balance spa here, I felt beautiful. In fact, I felt like a goddess. And my 20 classmates did too.

For many, the siren call to this workshop came from none other than Oprah. The talk show host has made no bones about the fact Miraval, scenically located in the beautiful desert outside of Tucson, is her favorite spa (it’s also been ranked No. 1 Destination Spa by Travel + Leisure magazine).

Oprah is also a fan of the spa’s resident, Yale-educated sex expert duo Dr. Lana Holstein and Dr. David Taylor, a married couple who conduct couples retreats at Miraval, which have been featured on "Oprah!"

The new Awakening Aphrodite program was developed by Holstein to help women empower their love lives, and is open to women only. In four days of workshops my fellow classmates and I would learn to embrace our inner beauty and to sidestep the common blocks to sexual energy and radiance (including fear, fatigue and fury). And we would learn how to channel our feminine energy – to become goddesses.

One of the first steps in our goddess training was a belly dancing class, an excellent group bonding experience conducted by a belly dancing teacher/performer. By the end of the two-hour session she had us ululating with our tongues and doing belly dance moves and gestures like the Moroccan flirt (back of hand loosely over mouth) to the accompaniment of not only Middle Eastern music but also Gloria Gaynor’s "I Will Survive." We were members of a tribe as we gyrated our hips and shook our breasts. Sensual exercising at its best. And if that didn’t get you pumped for more, nothing else would.

On the way back to my luxurious room in one of the resort’s hacienda-style buildings, a classmate told me I was a good dancer. I’d never been told that in my life. My goddess was awakening.

Next day Holstein, looking every bit the suburban housewife down to her chunky jewelry, started the serious work in a group session, part lecture, part sharing. This and all talking sessions were held in a pleasant, carpeted room where we sat barefoot on cushions in a big circle (the center of the circle was deemed "a sacred place").

Holstein was assisted in the program by hippy chick Holly McCarter, whose role seemed to be to calm us all down, including Holstein, who described herself as once being "a hard-core ’60s feminist. I burned my bra and all that stuff." McCarter would have us take breaks from our serious rap sessions to breathe with our eyes closed and "feel the joy" of our feet.

Our group of women was diverse in age (30s to 60s) and experience – there were married women, divorced women, single women from across the United States. The Herald agreed not to describe any in identifying detail.

In addition to lots of talking we did several exercises that, like the belly dancing, were designed to help us bond. Pelvic Awakening class had us doing African dance moves and Irish step (I never thought of the latter as sexy before). A Water Nymphs class was designed to awaken our inner mermaids – we were held by a partner in water and floated with our eyes closed while a third participant whispered niceties such as "you’re beautiful, you’re a goddess, you can do anything."

These were fine, but the talking sessions held the most meaning (some women were so overcome at times they even broke down and cried, which of course, because we are women, resulted in lots of hugging and handholding).

We discussed the Seven Dimensions of Sex – biological, sensual, desire, heart, intimacy, aesthetic, ecstatic – and the factors that influence each. And we had a physiology class (OK, I didn’t pay much attention in sex ed in middle school and actually learned a thing or two here).

Those with East Coast sensibilities should be aware there is very much a New Age spiritual sensibility to much of the discussion (something perhaps more familiar to Southwesterners).

We took a test, and apparently intimacy and sensuality are my things. I scored lowest in the ecstatic category where a lot of the questions had to do with "mindfulness" and spirituality and sex as a sacred act (except for an occasional "Oh God," I tend to leave religion out of the bedroom).

There was also talk of energy and chakras (systems of energy) and terms like tantric that might not be part of your daily lexicon. Nor, I suspect, are lingam (wand of light) and yoni (sacred space), the Sanskrit terms for male and female sexual organs.

Holstein read us poetry, some her own, some a tad silly: "Come into my life Aphrodite, make me juicy, full, open . . ."

Even so, though I tend to be sarcastic about this sort of thing, I learned a lot.

Most interesting was discussion of how masculine activity is highly valued by both men and women in our society, while feminine qualities tend to be undervalued. Holstein said many women spend their days in the masculine mode and need to learn to better connect with their goddess energy.

She said women can learn to "send love arrows with your heart and eyes." And suggested we "smile radiantly and look at a guy and share your energy. Shine on the guy you want."

Newly single, this had meaning for me. So did her comments that men have to learn how to feed women’s Shakti (radiant dancing goddess).

Holstein made clear she’s a believer that sexual energy is a gift to be exchanged for mutual benefit and never bartered (no diamonds for performing sexual acts). And she was not beyond telling us she and her husband have great sex.

David, the only man allowed in the workshop, and then only for one session, added the less insightful observation about men, "We’re all basically kind of cavemen."

We all had lunch together daily (the Southwestern cuisine at Miraval is excellent and you can even go the low-calorie route if you choose), and we chose our own breakfast and dinner companions breaking off into smaller groups. Many developed what undoubtedly will be lasting friendships.

In one of our final sessions we had to pledge changes. For me, it was a vow to do more flirting, spend more time appreciating beauty and enjoying being a woman – to become a sexy, beautiful goddess. And because we were getting a daily massage treatment of our choice at Miraval (I had a Thai massage, a pedicure and a facial) I vowed to do more of that, too.

For some, realizing they are their own biggest obstacle was the big revelation.

At the final ceremony, a new friend gave me a card that quoted a poem by Mary Oliver, "And have you too finally figured out what beauty is for? And have you changed your life?"

I’m trying.

If you go

Awakening Aphrodite will be offered again April 2 to 6 and Oct. 22 to 26, 2006. The workshop is priced at $725 per person, per night, including all meals (alchohol is extra) and accommodations, tips, daily spa treatments and airport transfers.

For more information, go to www.miravalresort.com, or call 800- 232-3969.