Web Site Offers Tips for Caring for Aging Parents
By SUE SCHEIBLE
The Patriot Ledger
The headline caught my attention: "Ten Tips for Baby Boomers on Interacting with Aging Parents." I showed the article from seniorjournal.com to a few friends – some are boomers, born between 1946-1964, and some are, like myself, a few years older.
Watching parents grow older can be unsettling for their adult children. "Parent aging is often a psychological wake-up call for baby boomers as it reminds them that they too are aging," Dr. Timothy Schwab, chief medical officer of the SCAN Health Plan in Los Angeles, says in the article.
The key is to recognize the changes age brings and ask: "How can I help my parents remain strong and independent?"
Here are the 10 tips and what my "consultants" thought of them. Many are very useful but as one friend, 62, said, "Remember, you can only do so much for your parents." Hear & How Over half of people over 65 experience some hearing loss. Try speaking in a slightly louder tone (but don’t shout) and in a lower pitch, since high frequency sounds become harder to hear. Be careful not to drop sounds at the end of a sentence; face your parent directly when speaking so they can see your lips and gestures. The review: Good tips. When my mother started to lose her hearing, it helped if I spoke in a lower pitch; I do it now with others on the phone. I also speak more slowly and somewhat louder. It’s important not to over- exaggerate or appear patronizing. Still, expect to meet with some frustration. My mother said for years that the problem was not her hearing, it was that I "mumbled." When she got a hearing aid and a phone aid, we were happier. The vision thing Older adults should have a complete eye exam every year or two (checks for glaucoma and cataracts are important). "Speak with your parents regularly about their eyesight. If their sight is beginning to worsen, encourage them to try prescription reading glasses, large-print reading materials or magnifying aids," according to the article. The review: A good start. There’s more you can do to help, with lighting, large numbers on push button phones, contrast, etc. Check mail order catalogs. Be empathetic: vision changes often begin in our 40s. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up . . .
More than one third of adults 65 years or older fall each year. Keep an eye on your parent’s balance or strength; they should tell their doctor about any unsteadiness and consider the right kind of cane, walker or wheelchair. Check their home for tripping hazards such as loose rugs or poorly placed extension cords. Install grab bars and non-slip rubber mats in the tub or shower. The review: All very useful. TV ads have made this a humorous refrain but falls can be serious, even fatal. Some senior centers have small home repair programs to help. One important preventive measure: walking or exercising the legs to maintain strength. A friend’s mother fell several times before she died at age 94 and each time, she had physical therapy that boosted her strength. She didn’t go to a nursing home until the end. Perpetual motion Arthritis, the painful stiffness and wearing of the joints, is common with age but it can be managed. A doctor’s treatment plan may include a combination of medication, weight management and range of motion exercises to protect joints from further damage. If your parents have trouble handling household items, adaptive equipment such as wide holders for toothbrushes and pens and easier tops for pill containers can help. The review: A good start. Check out mail order catalogs and medical supply stores or pharmacies. One friend cautioned that many people still have to live with the pain and "sometimes you just have to listen and be sympathetic." It’s more than the blues
Changing patterns in eating or sleeping, or a loss of interest in activities that once brought pleasure, can be signs of depression. Have the symptoms evaluated by a physician. The review: This overlooked issue has gotten more attention lately but depression is still under treated. There are biological changes with age that can cause this medical condition. Yet the older generation comes from an era when there was a stigma about depression and people believed they should just "get over it." You may have to take the lead in finding a doctor. Sharp as a tack
Many older people remain very sharp mentally, but with age, it is normal to have less ability to focus on a lot of information at one time. Limit your statements to one idea at a time. Avoid jargon or technical terms (such as computer speak) which may be common to your generation but foreign to theirs. When your parent is talking, be patient and don’t interrupt. The first thing said may not be the most important thing on their mind, and once interrupted, they may lose their train of thought. Our review: Excellent. My 92-year-old father is remarkably sharp, but his thinking process is different. I forget this and can be impatient or rude. I call him when I am not feeling rushed and remind myself of his age and my own "senior moments." Memories
Minor memory loss is normal with age. Keep questions simple and avoid multiple choices. Politely ask your parent to repeat back to you important information so you know that it has not only been heard, but has been understood as well. If you feel they have more than minor forgetfulness, make sure their doctor knows and can evaluate them if necessary. The review: More good tips. Having strategies can make unwelcome changes less scary. "When I give my mother a whole list of different options on what I can make her for supper, it confuses her," one boomer said. "It’s probably just better to ask her if she feels like meat loaf tonight." Alzheimer’s disease or dementia
Both involve serious memory loss and can lead to a decline in performing daily activities. Adult children can help by developing familiar routines for their parent and planning the routines around the times of day when the parent is less confused or more cooperative. Care giving can become overwhelming; find a support group to share your feelings and learn more strategies. The review: A good start. Local senior centers and agencies on aging often know of resources. Don’t be a martyr Explore different care-giving options. Discuss with your parents and siblings what the parents’ needs are and then find ways for each family member to do something. Other resources: a geriatric care manager, clergy, family counselors. The review: A good start. Family members who may not seem helpful may just need specific suggestions for what they might do. It’s very common for one adult child to wind up with most of the responsibility. Some see this as a blessing. One boomer said, "The rewards far outweigh the sacrifices of caring for my mother. She is such a gentle, soft-spoken woman that you can’t help loving her. I’m no longer shocked when people who see us each week at the movies come up and give her a hug or when a flight attendant asks if she can hug my mother." Doctor’s manner
Find physicians whom your parents are comfortable with and trust. Try to find a health plan that provides practical support services and allows your parents to remain independent as long as possible. The review: Useful reminders. Be sure to involve your parents in these decisions when you can.
The web site for this article is www.seniorjournal.com. The link to the May 24 article is http://www.seniorjournal.com/NEWS /Boomers/ 5-05-24Tips4Boomers.htm.
Reporter Sue Scheible can be reached at 617-786-7044, by mail at The Patriot Ledger, Box 699159, Quincy, MA 02269-9159 or E-mail at sscheible@ledger.com.