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Friends Can Help Cancer Patients' Emotional State

Posted on: Friday, 16 October 2009, 07:44 CDT

Support from family and friends can contribute to a woman's positive state of mind following a breast cancer diagnosis, says a Baylor College of Medicine expert.

Many people don't know how to treat a friend with cancer, though, and they worry about saying or doing the wrong thing or, worse, retraumatizing their friend, said Dr. Catherine Barber, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at BCM.

She offers advice on how to be a good friend to someone who has been diagnosed with cancer and is going through treatment.

Be an empathic listener

"The No. 1 thing is to be an empathic listener," Barber said. "Make yourself sufficiently available to your friend and let her know that you're here, that you care about her and that it's okay that she talks about what she's going through."

It's important to listen without trying to problem solve, she said. Often women just need a good listener as opposed to someone who is going to try to fix their problems.

Alleviate guilt, self blame

Many women blame themselves for their diagnosis, Barber said. They think that if they had eaten better, exercised more or managed stress better, perhaps they would not have gotten cancer. Being able to provide support around the idea that the patient is not to blame is also something important a friend can do.

"The goal is to alleviate guilt and self-blame regarding the development of cancer and to empower women to take good care of themselves and be proactive in their treatment so that they don't fall into hopelessness," Barber said.

Help with daily routine

While emotional support is especially important early on, there may be more practical support a friend could offer during treatment, given the toll it takes on the body and limitations a person can develop as a result, Barber said.

This includes being available to help with childcare or helping out with meals and errands.

"This is not a one-size fits all kind of approach," Barber cautioned. "Some women with breast cancer or any kind of cancer may be reluctant to ask for help, so a friend may need to be more proactive in initiating. Others may feel more self-sufficient and would prefer that others not do that kind of thing unless they ask."

Have a conversation with your friend about this, Barber said, and ask if it is all right if you provide this type of assistance without her asking, or if she would prefer to initiate a request for help.

Role for co-workers

Co-workers and casual friends can also support a breast cancer patient by offering statements of care and concern and making reasonable offers of assistance, like completing a work task or filling in as needed, Barber said.

The one thing friends should not do is underestimate the role they can play in patients' recovery, Barber said.

"Research demonstrates that high-quality social support is a strong predictor of emotional coping with one's illness," she said.

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On the Net:

• Baylor College of Medicine

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