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Wilkes-Barre, Pa., Times Leader, Mark Guydish Column: Are You Among Motivationally Challenged?

Posted on: Monday, 10 April 2006, 06:00 CDT

By Mark Guydish, Wilkes-Barre, Pa., Times Leader

Apr. 10--ou sit there reading, trying to look useful instead of indifferent, and what do you see? A medical justification for your utter laziness. Turns out you are not a couch potato incarnate, not a human posing as potted plant, not a connoisseur of drying paint. You have "Motivational Deficiency Disorder."

That's "MoDeD" for short.

You can read it yourself through a link accompanying the online version of this column at www.timesleader.com [http://www.timesleader.com], but if you are among the MoDeD, you probably don't have enough ambition to click the mouse. So I'll give you the bubblegum card account from an article penned by Ray Moynihan in the April issue of BMJ (British Medical Journal, but -- rather lazily -- they want it referred to by the initials).

Moynihan reported that a "group of high profile Australian scientists" have given extreme laziness a medical basis, MoDeD, "characterized by overwhelming and debilitating apathy." Severe cases can cause death if the victim no longer feels compelled to breathe.

They say it affects one in five Australians, which really puts the "down" in "down under."

A neurologist in the group, Leth Argos, happens to be an adviser to a "small Australian biotechnology company" developing a drug to treat MoDeD. They call it "Indolebant."

Skeptics might suggest this is a drug in search of a disease, a case of making the treatment first and defining the ailment to fit. You are not alone. Moynihan notes there is a growing group of critics who call this "disease mongering."

The astute would suggest it looks like an April Fool's Day joke.

Some illnesses peculiar to our area

Come on. It was published in the April Issue. And "Leth Argos?" Lethargy, get it? Indolebant? Indolence banned, get it again? How about MoDeD? More dead, right? Then there's that whole dying because you're not motivated to breathe thing.

But as near as I can tell, the "disease mongering" issue is genuine, and Moynihan (if that's his real name) will be one of the speakers at an "inaugural symposium" to be held in New Castle, Australia, starting tomorrow. The Web site: www.diseasemongering.org [http://www.diseasemongering.org]

Critics argue that disease mongers take real conditions and exaggerate their prevalence, or take routine fluctuations in life and turn them into chronic illnesses to sell new drugs, creating the plague of TV ads touting cures for problems we never knew existed.

You've seen them. The hapless protagonist looks like life is just one long third act in a Shakespeare tragedy until (after a roll call of possible side effects including nausea, headaches and fatal liver failure) they pop a pill and start laughing with the party crowd.

Moynihan is down on disease mongering, but I see merit. We could use it to explain local mysteries.

Hugo Selenski can't get out of jail because he contracted that mysterious ailment known as Lupas. Wilkes-Barre Mayor Tom Leighton is coughing up explanations on how he used grant money for the salary of a prominent favorite son because he has Barroukitis. Kingston Mayor Jim Haggerty refuses to release information on police calls because he dreads the embarrassment of an uncontrolled blotter.

My apologies to those with lupus, bronchitis or real bladder problems, but, frankly, if you find no humor here, you may have another illness. I refer to a second article posted on the Internet with this column, about Humor-Impaired Personality Disorder.

Yes, laughter might be the best medicine, but at this rate you'll need a prescription for it.

Call Mark Guydish at 829-7161 or e-mail mguydish@leader.net [mailto:mguydish@leader.net]

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Source: The Times Leader (Wilkes-Barre, Pa.)

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