Depressed? Don't Suffer in Silence
Posted on: Thursday, 5 April 2007, 03:00 CDT
'MY debut novel, A NOTE OF MADNESS, is a book for teenagers and adults alike.
It's a fictional account about 18-year-old Flynn - a top pianist at the Royal College of Music who suffers from bipolar disorder, commonly known as manic depression.
I was inspired to write a book about music because it has always been a huge part of my life and my teenage brother is a classical pianist.
I was inspired to write a book about depression because it's something I've experienced first-hand, something I've grown up with, and something which came very close to destroying me.
I was born in London in 1975 - the eldest of five children. I hated school and spent a lot of time writing stories when I should have been listening in class.
I didn't realise I was depressed then. But by the time I reached secondary school, I would lock myself in the toilets at break-time just to get away from people.
I felt increasingly alienated from my friends and out of step with the rest of my peers. I knew there was something wrong but didn't know what it was and blamed myself for not being more like the others.
Finally, things reached breaking point. I quit school at the age of 14 and did my GCSEs and A levels by distance learning. Around this time I started to write about mental illness and suicide - a reflection of my deeply troubled state of mind.
I found the freedom of university easier to cope with than school, but I was still desperately unhappy.
My depression peaked in my final year, and just before I was due to graduate, I found myself walking around campus, looking up at the tallest buildings, trying to work out which one would guarantee me a fatal fall.
In the end, I chickened out, wrote a suicide note, and went to bed with several bin liners tied over my head. But they slipped off in the night, sparing me my life.
It wasn't until I was 20 that I finally made the link between the horror of my existence and the term depression.
I remember wanting to die for a very long time. My family are atheists, and the prospect of death was always terrifying and final. But when you are so depressed that life is completely and utterly intolerable, you see it as the only way out.
You're terrified of dying, of never seeing your family again, of destroying your family as well as yourself, of the pain, of the terrible irreversibility of it all. But you know you can't go on living.
Being alive is simply, totally and absolutely unbearable and you get to the point where you would do anything, and I mean anything, to make it go away.
I found the courage to speak out about my depression in my twenties and went to seek help. But the first doctor I saw told me I wasn't depressed at all.
Like most severely depressed people, I had become an expert at hiding my emotions. The doctor told me there was no way a depressed person could smile and be so eloquent. Being told my depression was a figment of my imagination was like a fist in thestomach. But I persevered and went to see other doctors. I was referred to counsellors and psychologists. Eventually they found a combination of anti-depressants that have worked wonders for me for the last few years.
Writing about my experiences through the fictional character of Flynn has proved an extremely cathartic experience.
Mental illness is still a taboo subject. It is a biologically- based brain disorder which can't be overcome through will-power and is not related to a person's character or intelligence.
One in four people suffer from some kind of mental illness, 20 per cent of all deaths by young people are by suicide, and suicide is the most common form of death in men aged under 35.
In this country alone, there are estimated to be 24,000 cases of attempted suicide by adolescents each year - one attempt every 20 minutes. But advances in the treatment of mental illness are being made all the time and there is help out there if youhave the courage to speak out.
I'm thankful I did, because things are finally looking up. Most days, I love my life. But it's a feeling I'm still trying to get used to.
If you think you, or someone you know, may be suffering from depression, there are many sources of help available. But you have to speak out. If you often feel unhappy, speak to a parent, guardian, foster parent, teacher, a friend's parent, doctor,school nurse, or an adult you trust.
Remember: millions of people all over the world suffer from a mental illness. You are not alone.'
in sites..
A NOTE OF MADNESS by Tabitha Suzuma is on sale now. You can win a copy of her book by entering the competition at www.youngscot.org
Childline Scotland: 0800 1111
Talking2ourselves: www.talking2ourselves.com
Breathing Space: 0800 83 85 87(6pm-2am)
Samaritans: 08457 90 90 90
Tabitha's website: www.tabithasuzuma.com
Young Scot InfoLine: 0808 801 0338
(c) 2007 Daily Record; Glasgow (UK). Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning. All rights Reserved.
Source: Daily Record; Glasgow (UK)
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