• E-mail
• Print
• Comment
• Font Size
• Digg
• del.icio.us
• Discuss article

Philadelphia Daily News Stu Bykofsky Column: What's That Smell? The Alito Hearings

Posted on: Monday, 16 January 2006, 12:00 CST

By Stu Bykofsky, Philadelphia Daily News

Jan. 16--"You're a Bruce Springsteen fan?" Actual question asked by Sen. Richard Durbin, D-Ill., to Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito during televised Senate Judiciary Committee hearings. (Alito hedged his response to even this.) POINTING A TV camera at a U.S. senator is like waving a C-note at a hooker: You get fast attention and faked excitement, then you get screwed. Those who urge merit selection of judges must be curled up in a fetal position after last week's blister-painful-yet-doze-inducing Alito hearings. Harriet Meiers to the contrary, Supreme Court nomination

is merit selection, which is supposed to remove politics from the process. Is that what happened? Bad question. Only 14 percent of Americans, according to a Pew Research Center poll, paid attention to the hearings. (I was surprised committee members had that many friends and family.) The week-long process was a shameful charade of political lies, innuendos and smears, buttressed by misinformation and misdirection. It was like Deputy Dawg trying to trap Stephen Hawking with trick questions about the universe. The badgering Democrats suggested Alito tortures cats and would jail minorities, outlaw unions, prohibit abortion, permit the president to attack Canada and wiretap conversations between my mother and her hair colorist. The only thing they failed to ask is if he wears Victoria's Secret lingerie under his robes. The obsequious Republicans let us know that Alito is Mother Teresa in black garb, he's the greatest thing to come out of America since the Ford Mustang, he's never lied, he crochets sweaters for the poor, he has served in The Military (ours) and he actually knows a black person. One frayed wire in the system was revealed by a blogger who counted the number of words in questions asked by each senator and the number of words in Alito's answers during one session. King of the Bloviators was Democrat Joe Biden, the oily senator from Delaware, who spoke 3,673 words to Alito's 1,013 - a 78/22 percent breakdown. Running a close second was Democratic New York motormouth Chuck Schumer, 75/25 percent. Third place went to Ohio Republican top yapper Mike DeWine, 72/28 percent. Massachusetts' agitated Ted Kennedy snagged fourth place with 69/31, followed closely by sugar-tongued South Carolina Republican Lindsey Graham, 65/35. Since senators are used to having their fannies kissed, no one dares tell them they are pompous, gaseous, preening windbags. "Nobody can tell a senator what questions to ask," said committee chair Arlen Specter. Someone needs to. Questions must not exceed 25 words, must never contain the words "I,""me" or "my," and must always end with a question mark. The Stupefying Senators peppered Alito with almost 700 questions, yet overlooked questions some Americans care most about: -- "Michael Jackson. A freakozoid, right?" -- "When you went to the Phillies fantasy camp and you saw yourself in a Phillies uniform, Judge Alito, were you aroused?" -- "Is love lovelier the second time around?"

-- "Who was your favorite Mousketeer?" My only question was how Alito could sit there expressionless for so many hours. Was he drugged? Listening to Springsteen on an iPod? When it ended, even Biden said committee hearings for Supreme Court nominees were pointless. Well said, Senator. Sit down and shut up!

-----

Copyright (c) 2006, Philadelphia Daily News

Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Business News.

For information on republishing this content, contact us at (800) 661-2511 (U.S.), (213) 237-4914 (worldwide), fax (213) 237-6515, or e-mail reprints@krtinfo.com.

NYSE:LTD,

Source: The Philadelphia Daily News

More News in this Category