Eating Dog Food With a TV Star

By Monica Eng, Chicago Tribune

Oct. 7–My first experience eating dog food — kibble and a biscuit on a grade school dare — left me with no yearning for seconds. But if the food had been Dick Van Patten’s Natural Balance Eatables for Dogs, that might not have been the case — at least initially.

That’s because Van Patten (of “Eight Is Enough” fame) is introducing Eatables — dog food that is supposed to be so delish that owners will want to scarf down a few bites before calling Fido.

And, theoretically, that would be OK because Eatables is, Van Patten says, the first dog food made, not in a pet-food plant, but in a USDA-regulated human food plant.

We found this all a little hard to swallow. And so when we were invited to partake in a can with Van Patten, we bit.

Van Patten showed up at the Tribune with two cans of Eatables in Irish Stew flavor (they also offer Chinese Take-Out, Dumplin’s With Gravy and Hobo Chili).

“You’re gonna like this,” Van Patten, 76, promised in a reassuring tone as we headed up to the Tribune’s test kitchen. “But you might feel like chasing cars afterwards.”

My first whiff of the stuff was not promising. But given a moment to breathe, the chow started smelling more like something from Dinty Moore. And after a trip to the microwave, the stew looked and smelled positively inviting.

Van Patten tucked in first, and I soon joined him, marveling at the tender cubes of beef, toothsome potatoes and sweet carrots in a luxurious gravy. Pair it with a dry red wine or a Guinness, and you’d have a fine meal.

(The Eatables recipe starts with a human food formula and finishes with a load of vitamins formulated for dogs’ needs.)

Aimed at the premium dog food market, Eatables will be sold only at specialty pet stores — not shelved with ordinary pet foods in grocery stores. And sorry cheapos, retailing at $2.49 per 15-ounce can, it does not make economic sense to swap it for human food.

Despite Van Patten’s zeal and the chow’s relative success with our tasters (who experienced some slight unpleasant digestive issues later), a company spokesman reminded us that this is still food made for dogs.

That might come as an unpleasant surprise to the selfish person who swiped the full bowl of “Irish Stew” left overnight in the Tribune employee fridge.

I, for one, will be keeping an eye out for colleagues with gastric distress chasing after cars.

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