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Akron Beacon Journal, Ohio, David Giffels Column

Posted on: Thursday, 20 October 2005, 18:00 CDT

By David Giffels, Akron Beacon Journal, Ohio

Oct. 20--DISASTERS AREN'T BAD FOR BIG OIL: Well, apparently all those reports of raping and pillaging in the wake of the hurricanes were correct.

The major oil companies are about to tally up profits big enough to choke Fat Tuesday.

Katrina? Ka-ching!

As countless displaced paupers have struggled to find basic shelter, and as countless more Americans have been digging deep to send donations to the devastated Gulf Coast, the energy industry has been gorging itself like a cash addict on a Big Easy binge.

According to an article in Wednesday's Beacon Journal, industry analysts are predicting that the major oil companies will ring up a staggering $9 billion profit in quarterly reports next week.

They'll be celebrating Christmas around the time the rest of us are observing Halloween.

The surrealistic balance sheets read like a high-stakes Texas shootout, with each big oil company hurling mammoth numbers at the other.

Chevron Corp. will sip champagne to a relatively "moderate" 25 percent profit growth.

BP PLC will finally be able to buy a vowel with its whopping 34 percent profit jump.

Royal Dutch Shell can break out the oysters Rockefeller to herald its 35 percent gain.

Exxon Mobil Corp. can roast the fatted calf over a sizzling 57 percent surge.

And ConocoPhillips Co. will be able to tear off its shirt and pound its bloated chest, taunting, "In your face, looo-sers!"

Seventy-five percent profit growth. That's what ConocoPhillips is expected to extract from the misery of Katrina and Rita.

How can this be? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. Gales on the gulf are like the wind beneath their wings.

If a hurricane makes landfall, they celebrate a windfall.

Every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven.

Gasoline prices started rising before the damage was assessed. Everything was based on speculation. Anyone who thought the prices would return to normal once everything was sorted out, however, was dead wrong.

Whatever dark suspicions we had about the oil industry's motives will pale in comparison to the reality of the obscene profits they've gouged out of us the past couple of months.

Apparently, the interruption in refinery activity hasn't hurt them. An oil industry analyst said most energy producers have insurance that covers weather damage and suspended operations.

That's better than most New Orleans victims can claim, as homeowners lament insurance policies that didn't cover flood damage.

In the aftermath of hurricanes Katrina and Rita, there couldn't be a more glaring contrast between the response of Big Oil and the response of little America.

When Katrina hit, volunteers rushed from all over the country to try to help, paying $3 for gas as they made the long trip south.

Little America called them heroes. Big Oil called them suckers.

With Rita brewing and fearful Texans evacuating, the price of gas rose with each passing mile on the teeming highways.

Little America watched the pictures on television, wishing we could hit fast-forward to move the cars to safety. Big Oil wanted to press "pause" so it would have time to tally up the day's kitty.

When evacuees took refuge in cities all over the country, strangers provided them relief.

Big Oil, meanwhile, rolled the pump price "all the way back" to $2.60 a gallon, insinuating it was providing its own relief.

You wonder how they'll spend the windfall.

Will they donate it to disaster relief?

Will they offset the overestimate by rolling pump prices back to, say, $1 a gallon?

Or will they build jewel-encrusted shrines to Katrina, their Goddess of Prosperity?

I'm guessing the latter. That's one thing we all can bank on.

David Giffels' column appears Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. He can be reached at 330-996-3572 or at dgiffels@thebeaconjournal.com.

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To see more of the Akron Beacon Journal, or to subscribe to the newspaper, go to http://www.ohio.com.

Copyright (c) 2005, Akron Beacon Journal, Ohio

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CVX, BP, SC, RD, SHEL, XOM, COP,

Source: Akron Beacon Journal (Akron, Ohio)

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