Wilkes-Barre, Pa., Times Leader, Casey Jones Column
By Casey Jones, Wilkes-Barre, Pa., Times Leader
Oct. 30–WHAT’S IN STORE? NO SURPRISES FOR ME, PLEASE:
Operator: “OnStar. How may I help you?”
Caller: “Oh, thank goodness. I’m lost in Wegmans and I can’t get out.”
Operator: “Stay where you are. We’re sending a search and rescue team.”
That was not an actual call. Just a dramatization.
But I did hear a story about a guy who got lost in Wegmans and eventually starved to death.
Nah. I’m kidding again.
The point I’m trying to make is Wegmans is huge. It puts the “super” in “supermarket.” It looks like a grocery store that ate a grocery store.
Wegmans in Wilkes-Barre Township has a deli, bakery, pharmacy, video shop, coffee shop, sub shop, pizza shop, salad bar, soup bar, wing bar, olive bar, everything but a piano bar.
I’m thinking maybe they made it so big because Wegmans begins with the letter “W.”
Think about it. Wal-Mart. Wegmans. Wisconsin. Dubya’s ego. Everything that begins with “W” is big.
In Wegmans’ case, too big.
I wore a pedometer and pretended like I was shopping the other day. I hit every aisle in Wegmans. By the time I got back to the car, I’d taken 2,379 steps, covered 0.898 miles, burned 51.4 calories, walked myself hungry.
That’s one of the reasons I prefer to shop at Schiel’s Family Market.
You could fit three, maybe four Schiel’s inside a Wegmans. Hit every aisle in Schiel’s, and you cover less than a quarter mile. And you won’t spend a lot of time scratching your head.
This one is just right
The South Wilkes-Barre Schiel’s, the city’s only supermarket, has all of the stuff that most people buy, and none of the stuff they don’t.
In contrast, Wegmans has all the regular stuff times 10, plus a bunch of things I can’t spell, pronounce, stomach or afford.
They also have organic, animal-friendly and environmentally-friendly versions of just about everything — laundry detergent, free-range chicken eggs, even recycled toilet paper — but believe me, you pay a lot more to save the world.
Plus, it’s a vegetarian’s delight. Wegmans has a soy-bean rendition of every meat known to man.
Schiel’s doesn’t lay that kind of guilt trip on you.
The meat is meat. The farmers don’t have to chase the chickens. The toilet paper comes direct from trees.
And you don’t have to make near as many decisions.
Wegmans carries 12 varieties of mushrooms. Schiel’s has three.
There are seven kinds of pears at Wegmans. Schiel’s has four.
At Wegmans, you have to choose from 16 varieties of apples. Schiel’s offers eight, and eight is enough.
The best part about shopping at Schiel’s is the ability to correct your mistakes. If you forget something, the store is small enough to dash back and grab it without losing your place in line.
In my opinion, Schiel’s has found the perfect niche.
You’re in, you’re out, and you don’t need a nap when you’re done.
The owners disagree. They’ve apparently got a bad case of Wegmans envy.
The Schiel family is building a new store in the Parsons section that will dwarf the south Wilkes-Barre branch.
Every department will be bigger.
That means more items, more brands, more choices, more walking.
I hope I don’t get lost inside.
Maybe I’ll subscribe to OnStar.
Call Casey Jones at 829-7215 or e-mail cjones@leader.net.
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