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Fantastic Four

Posted on: Wednesday, 27 August 2008, 00:00 CDT

*  (110m | PG-13)

Who are these half-wit Hollywood clowns that keep hiring cleavage-candy actresses with no measurable talent to play laughably bespectacled scientists in action movies? This bumbling, big-budget but Z-movie-bad adaptation of Marvel comics' "Fantastic Four" is a train wreck, exemplified by the casting of ring-a-dingy Jessica Alba -- hitherto known for playing dancers and strippers -- as Sue Storm, a 23-year-old "director of genetic research

. Sent into space along with a paper-thin cast of compatriots (a geneticist ex-boyfriend, her cocky failed-astronaut brother, an ex-NASA pilot and a transparently evil billionaire), Sue and this group of supposed geniuses can't even keep track of the glowing cloud of gases they're supposed to be studying. Promptly overrun when the interstellar storm apparently sneaks up behind their space station, each of them returns home with strange new powers. The C-list cast (Ioan Gruffudd, Michael Chiklis, Chris Evans, Julian McMahon) is subject to obsolete CGI effects and a horrible highlights-reel screenplay that is little more than a catalog of obvious contrivances, atrocious exposition, and time-wasting "extreme, dude!" action scenes of snowboarding and motocross racing. Easily the worst comic-book movie since "Batman and Robin" almost buried that franchise eight years ago.

Source: SPLICED eWire Online

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