TOP 10; DAVID LETTERMAN; ‘Top Ten Signs an Astronaut; is Trying to Kill You’

On Monday, we learned that astronaut Lisa Nowak drove from Houston to Orlando, Fla., to confront a woman she believed was romantically involved with a space shuttle pilot Nowak professes to love. By Tuesday night late-night talk show host David Letterman had a list from out of this world. Here is that list, which aired on CBS:

10. Says, “This is a giant leap for mankind” as she tosses you off a bridge.

9. You turn on CNN and see the Hubble Telescope focusing on your house.

8. She promises to “take you out like Pluto.”

7. It sounds crazy, but you could swear Mars is following you.

6. You were on the “Maury” episode: “I Had a Booty Call and Now an Astronaut is Trying to Kill Me.”

5. Her previous attempts to kill you have been postponed due to high winds.

4. She poisons your Tang.

3. Says she looks forward to being the first to walk on your lifeless corpse.

2. Been getting threatening e-mails from Connie@InternationalSpaceStation.com.

1. She keeps stabbing you with a pen that writes upside down.

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