August 16, 2012
No Love Lost – eBay Discontinues The Magic
Michael Harper for redOrbit.com — Your Universe Online
A story, if you´ll allow me:
When my wife came home from work yesterday afternoon, she and I spent nearly an hour lounging on the couch as young couples do, catching up on our favorite shows. I didn´t touch my iPhone or my Mac during this time, taking a brief moment to “zone out” as it were. After our brief respite, I took to the Twitter, as I often do, and realized that I had missed something so spectacular, something so wonderful and something I´ve never witnessed before in my life: Felix Hernandez threw a perfect game, the first in Mariners´ history, against the Tamp Bay Devil Rays, defeating them 1-0 in a historic game.
The moral of the story here, of course, is If You Snooze, You Lose.
So, dear readers, I hate to be delivering this news to you, especially those of you who have been unaware, as I´ve been, this entire time: You will no longer be able to buy your love potions on eBay as of August 30.
In fact, eBay has listed several items which will no longer be available for sale on the World´s largest online auction site.
For instance, you´ll no longer be able to bid on a blessing service, hawk a hexing, or post a prayer. Likewise, all potions, spells, healing sessions, and the like will soon vanish, as if they were never there to begin with. Or were they?
Each of these changes are listed in the eBay 2012 Fall Seller Update, which lists changes to their categories and item specific updates as well.
In a “One of these things is not like the others” type situation, “Work from Home businesses & information” is also listed in the recently updated “prohibited items” list, just after “healing sessions” and “wholesale lists.”
Now, there´s an awful lot I don´t understand about the Internet. There´s even more I don´t understand about the dark arts, or Magic, or Dungeons and Dragons. However, I have to wonder how a transaction between a buyer and a purveyor of curses ever transpired. Were there groups of angry youths who would return home from school after a day of particularly harsh taunting only to fall on their beds in tears before having the sudden realization: “I wish beyond wishes I could cast some sort of curse or hoax on my bullies, but I´m fresh out of Arrowroot and running out of time. I wonder what´s available on eBay?”
I decided to take a look at what´s available on eBay in the way of potions, Magic and the like.
One such love potion is said to be made with 100% authentic quality ingredients, not with those “cheap, low quality ingredients like those mass produced” potions.
Funny, I can´t think of a single, mass produced love potion. Well, I suppose you could call alcohol a bit of a love potion, but its effects are ever so fleeting.
Nevertheless, this particular potion is said to attract “the blonde you have longed for” or “the nice man down the street.”
There´s no word, however, if the potion will be effective if you long for the portly man two streets down. I also failed to find instructions, so no word as to which party is to imbibe this “coven-made” potion: yourself or the unwilling party.
Another seller of potions asks potential buyers for their full name and birthdate before shipping the potion, information which is assumedly quite important in the process of casting a spell. Then, when the spell is ready – which is dependent on the energies of the sun, the moon and the stars – the seller will send an email and instruct you further on how to take the potion.
Consider this your 7th inning alert. There´s something wonderful happening on the Internet right now, and you´ve only got a matter of days to take advantage of it.
You can thank me later in the form of a wholesale list.