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A Place to Grieve; Schools Help to Console Students Dealing With a Tragic Death or Loss

Posted on: Sunday, 28 August 2005, 15:00 CDT

Before Friday night's football game between West Bend East and Kewaskum high schools, there was a moment of silence for three students from the two schools killed in automobile accidents last week.

The ceremony, which remembered West Bend East's Timothy Beck and Michael Terrien, who died in Thursday night's crash, and Kewaskum's Joshua Martin, who was killed in a collision with a semitrailer truck Tuesday, marked the schools' effort to help students negotiate the emotional minefield that follows a tragic accident.

When children or teenagers experience a traumatic loss, schools are often where they go to pick up the pieces, commiserate with friends and get counseling from professionals. After Martin's accident, Kewaskum High School opened its doors early to about 20 of his friends to meet with guidance counselors and teachers. At West Bend East, counselors consoled students Friday and plan to again Monday.

"It will be something that will certainly bring us together in this grief," said Cassandra Schug, the West Bend East principal. "To lose a student is such a tragedy, and our deepest sympathy is with the families of Michael and Tim. Hopefully we will come together in this time."

In recent years many schools have developed crisis plans and response teams to deal with tragedies such as an automobile accident or the death of a relative. Now, with military deployments and an ongoing war, it's more crucial than ever that school staffs are prepared to deal with grief among their students, said Robert Simcock, outpatient manager for the ProHealth Behavioral Medicine Center in Waukesha County.

Schools coping with loss

Schools today seem to be dealing with more instances of loss than before not only among students but also staff, said James Haessly, executive director of student services and special education for the Waukesha School District.

"We've had teachers die. We had teachers disappear. Just last year we had three teachers called up almost overnight to go to Iraq," Haessly said. "Any kind of loss and grief has stages to it. . . . For some reason, when it comes to kids, it becomes more difficult."

Nightmares, loss of concentration, anxiety, guilt and agitation are some of the symptoms children may show as a result of traumatic grief, said Barbara Rubel, executive director of Griefwork Center Inc. in Kendall Park, N.J. Rubel addressed about 150 educators from school districts throughout southeastern Wisconsin at a back-to- school conference Tuesday in Waukesha on handling sudden loss and grief in schools.

"It doesn't go away. We don't just get over it," Rubel said. "We're all children in our grief. We all experience it."

Rubel recommends that schools undertake a number of activities to help children cope with the loss of a loved one. Grief rituals, unsent letters and memory books are among them. She also advocates some sort of memorialization activity at school a memory table, moment of silence or memorial garden.

After 18-year-old Justine Pellmann died in a car accident in June, Waukesha West administrators invited students to talk with guidance and support staff and also gave them space to address each other, West Assistant Principal Michelle Ferris said. At the graduation ceremony the following weekend, they left a seat empty but for a mortar board and had Justine's brother accept her diploma.

"I was really taken with how much they had done for her," said Justine's mother, Christine Pellmann. "They had posters, and they had a place for these kids to write what they were feeling and to be a part of what was happening in our family."

Schools have to be able to adjust their reaction to the individual circumstance. How they handle the loss from an accident is different from how they might react to a natural death, school officials say. The time of the year also might figure into plans.

When 12-year-old Baki Muchin died suddenly in January from a heart condition, the co-directors of Milwaukee Jewish Day School sprang into action to offer help to the whole school community, calling in counselors to assist students in dealing with his unexpected death.

In contrast, when seventh-grade teacher Judee Ross was killed in a traffic accident while in Chicago last month, the school contacted staff and even tracked students down in summer camps, but they waited until shortly before the start of school to hold memorials among staff members, said Rabbi Philip Nadel, a co-director at the school.

Families are often involved in whatever the school does in response to traumatic incidents, said Marge Meyer, the other co- director.

"Whatever we've had in place for the children, it's always been in communication with the parents," she said. "We've tried to alert them and keep them involved. It's almost a constant dialogue."

Faith plays a large part in how the Jewish Day School approaches grief and loss, but public schools also receive help from the religious community in such times.

After 14-year-old Lexi Georgeff of Cedarburg died during surgery for a multiple-organ transplant in June, the school district's middle school, Webster Transitional School, had a half-dozen local pastors and priests available to help students with her death, Principal Robert Klimpke said.

"We have the people we can contact and get the assistance that we need so, while it's always difficult to deal with, I feel I have the resources and know where to go," Klimpke said.

Copyright 2005, Journal Sentinel Inc. All rights reserved. (Note: This notice does not apply to those news items already copyrighted and received through wire services or other media.)

Source: Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

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