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Wise Guys Makes a Mess of Christmas Story

Posted on: Tuesday, 3 January 2006, 09:00 CST

Wise Guys makes a mess of Christmas story

Beware of holiday TV movies based solely on a clever title. The easiest jokes are often the least funny and the most problematic. Three Wise Guys (8 p.m., USA) offers a crazy retelling of the Christmas story from the points of view of three Mafia hitmen, who happen upon a very pregnant and very shady lady who needs help because there is no room at the Desert Inn.

Wise is the second holiday bauble this year to provide work for Tom Arnold. Here he plays a mobbed-up and brainless casino owner who dispatches a trio of hitmen to silence a couple of inconvenient snitches. The trigger-happy troika consists of the silent and surly George (Judd Nelson), the suave and vain Joey (Eddie McClintock) and Vincent (Nick Turturro), the assassin with a heart of gold, a doting dad who pines to be with his wife and five kids on the magical night of eggnog and caroling.

If you think Vincents character sounds completely contradictory, youve happened upon the central problem of Three Wise Guys. Its impossible to watch this comedy with your brain fully in gear. The film never makes up its mind. One minute the characters speak casually of murder, strippers and easy sex, and the next minute were awash in holiday sentiment.

The characters ill-defined nature renders the films convoluted plot endless and unendurable. And spectacularly unfunny. Look for Katey Sagal as Arnolds wisecracking wife. Jodi Lyn OKeefe stars as the angry and very pregnant Mary, who spends the movie two-timing everybody (when not picking their pockets) and then concludes the film with a gushy scene. Wise Guys is a complete mess, but a fascinating one, an astounding example of the utter hash Hollywood talent can make when they choose to desecrate one of the simplest and most uplifting stories.

Children and gambling

Al Roker hosts Kids, Cards & Dice (7 p.m., Court TV). Its no secret that over the past five years, television has done a very energetic and obvious job of glamorizing the culture of gambling. Programs set in Las Vegas, frequent puff pieces about casinos and cheap cable shows highlighting celebrity card parties extol a ring- a-ding atmosphere of fun, witty patter and easy money. Is it any wonder that young people are taking to gambling as never before?

Roker reports on students and young people hooked on gambling and who have turned to crime to subsidize their fabulous lifestyles. He also talks with parents about ways to stay on top of their childrens habit.

Other highlights

At 7 p.m., four-wheeled product placement on Survivor: Guatemala (CBS).; Johnny shares his feelings on The O.C. (Fox, TV-14).; Chris Rock stars in the 2003 comedy Head of State (ABC, TV-14); and bullies and batteries on Everybody Hates Chris (UPN, r, TV- PG,D,L,V).

At 7:30 p.m., Christmas at the Trumans on Will & Grace (NBC, TV- 14).

At 8 p.m., a reported kidnapping yields scant evidence on CSI (CBS, TV-14,V); a charity event rocks the finalists on The Apprentice (NBC); and a grave 1993 gathering on Reunion (Fox, TV- 14).

At 9 p.m., amnesia, TVs most incurable disease, rears its ugly head on Without a Trace (CBS, TV-PG,V), guest-starring Martin Landau; and a young shooting victim clings to life on ER (NBC, TV- 14).

Cult choice

Corbin Bernsen and Connie Sellecca star in the 2001 comedy I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (7 p.m., Family).

Series notes

At 7 p.m., a visit from an old pal (Adam Goldberg) on Joey (NBC, TV-14); and Lexs Yuletide vision on Smallville (WB, TV-PG,D,L,V).

At 7:30 p.m., Joey McIntyre guest stars on Love, Inc. (UPN, r, TV- PG).

At 8 p.m., bursting Shellys bubble on Eve (UPN, r, TV-PG); and Ephraim becomes more than a friend to Amy on Everwood (WB, TV-PG).

At 8:30 p.m., Kevin makes a move on Cuts (UPN, r, TV-PG).

Late night

Jennifer Aniston and 50 Cent appear on Late Show with David Letterman (10:35 p.m., CBS).

Jay Leno hosts George Clooney and Trey Anastasio on The Tonight Show (10:35 p.m., NBC).

Luke Wilson and Jack Klugman chat on Late Night with Conan OBrien (11:35 p.m., NBC).

Craig Ferguson hosts Charlie Sheen, Marissa Jaret Winokur and Franz Ferdinand on The Late, Late Show (12:07 a.m., CBS).

Programming listed in this syndicated column reflects network schedules. Local affiliates or cable systems may choose to pre-empt or reschedule network programming after the networks have announced their schedules. 2005 United Feature Syndicate Inc.

Source: Advocate; Baton Rouge, La.

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