• E-mail
• Print
• Comment
• Font Size
• Digg
• del.icio.us
• Discuss article

Wilkes-Barre, Pa., Times Leader, David Iseman Column: With This Idea, Who Needs the Yellow Pages?

Posted on: Friday, 16 June 2006, 06:00 CDT

By David Iseman, Wilkes-Barre, Pa., Times Leader

Jun. 16--ith ads everywhere else, why not on babies?

A guy auctioned off his forehead on eBay. A casino paid more than $4,000 to put its name on a pregnant woman's bare belly. And, closer to home, our turnpike could soon sell space on its toll plazas and vehicles.

(I'm already envisioning the Depends adult diapers Emergency Call Box at mile marker 158.)

Those enterprising Madison Avenue types have even come up with Wizmark, a flashing, talking plastic screen that sits in the drain of a urinal and advertises any message you choose to a so-called "captive male audience."

So, I repeat, why not ads on babies?

Traci Hogg of Huntersville, N.C., is offering space on her son, Jake, through the Web site www.buyjake.com [http://www.buyjake.com]. She first did it through eBay and made more than $1,000. Now, she's offering to have handsome, beguiling 14-month-old Jake wear company logos or slogans for one month for $10,000 and one year for $100,000.

Other options are negotiable. Hopefully, there's no tattooing involved.

I e-mailed her, asking how it's going and she responded: "I have gotten a lot of neat feedback. Some not all good, but that's OK. I agree it is controversial, but that's what helps make it such a great story. It is unique and definitely makes for good water cooler talk!"

Traci says the money will go to Jake's college fund, and she won't let him be adorned with profane or gross messages.

I say more power to her. I think we could cash in here in Luzerne County with similar ads -- on our political leaders. Like Jake, politicos could become walking advertisements.

Think of Congressman Don Sherwood wearing a ball cap emblazoned with a single word: Viagra.

Imagine a listing of divorce lawyers on Sherwood's navy blue sport coat, or his pickup truck with a pitch for massage oils.

I say we force Kingston Mayor Jim Haggerty, the unsuccessful state Senate candidate who seems to have angered all of Kingston with his secrecy regarding crime, to wear hats with the names of funeral homes, cremation services, grave plots.

Get it? Politically, he's a dead man walking.

Lots of businesses would be interested in Greg Skrepenak's really big chest, especially businesses with really big names like: the "Procurement Technical Assistance Center (PTAC) at the Northeastern Pennsylvania Alliance (NEPA)," or The Family of Lawyers: Munley, Munley, Munley and Munley's aunt, uncle, sister-in-law and Cartwright."

I'm not sure I can explain this but my gut tells me that Wilkes-Barre Mayor Tom Leighton could rake in thousands in a deal with Mr. Clean. Maybe it's because Leighton seems sincere about sprucing up the city, or maybe it's how he folds his arms. …

How about this for an attention getter? Rick Santorum in a wife beater that says "Club 10."

Paul Kanjorski has been an advocate of nanoscience, the innovative manufacturing of materials and devices on a tiny scale. I'll bet some nanotechnology firms would pay to have Kanjo advertise their names on his back.

For effect, we could make Kanjo's shirts a couple sizes too small.

This next one's just a wild hunch.

But I'll bet that Hazleton Mayor Lou Barletta could earn us a pile of pesos if we make him jog around town in gym shorts with this message on his butt:

"Berlitz Language Experts: Learn English in 10 Easy Lessons."

Call Iseman at 829-7176 or e-mail him at diseman@leader.net [mailto:diseman@leader.net].

-----

Copyright (c) 2006, Wilkes-Barre, Pa., Times Leader

Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Business News.

For reprints, email tmsreprints@permissionsgroup.com, call 800-374-7985 or 847-635-6550, send a fax to 847-635-6968, or write to The Permissions Group Inc., 1247 Milwaukee Ave., Suite 303, Glenview, IL 60025, USA.

NASDAQ-NMS:EBAY,

Source: The Times Leader (Wilkes-Barre, Pa.)

More News in this Category