The Record, Stockton, Calif., Michael Fitzgerald Column: Poet’s Miles Davis Contest Entry Jives
By Michael Fitzgerald, The Record, Stockton, Calif.
Jan. 21–A cool 55-word song about Miles Davis jamming with the ocean’s waves makes Stockton poet David Humphreys winner of this year’s 55-Word Writing Contest.
Humphreys, who appropriately is 55 years old, wins for “What’s Not There,” a mellifluous entry in which the great jazz trumpeter points his horn at the Big Question.
“Good lord, That’s amazing,” be-bopped Humphreys when notified. “I’m stunned; I really am.”
Humphreys wins a tongue-in-cheek $60.50 cents ($55 plus an extra 10 percent in honor of the 10th year of the 55-Word Contest) but true appreciation for making music with words.
A winner once before, in 2003, Humphreys has been a poet since health problems restricted him in 1997. The guy can soar in the airplane of deep, well-crafted poetry, but he loves to jump into the 55-Word bumper car, too.
“Because I love it,” he said of the contest. “It’s a wonderful little system that I’ve plugged into.”
Kudos also go to Julie Holzer for the spiritually enlightened “Adele” and to Steve Terhune for the rejoicing “Orgasmic.”
Other orgasmic selections follow these runners-up. To some, I have given facetious awards.
Plus this year, more 55-Word entries are appended to the online version of this column. Check them out.
What’s Not There Don’t play what’s there, play what’s not there is how Miles Davis said it cool as cashmere in a leather lined limo on the way to the jet flying to palm trees and a white sand beach blowing in time to waves wondering where is the loveliness who started this jam session to begin with? — David Humphreys
Orgasmic The hungry taste of fresh hot fettucini dripping with sour cream
Flying Freely Naked (in a dream)
On a chilly night sliding slowly into a hot scented spa
The blustery smell as autumn leaves scatter as they fall
My old dog’s lick as she rests upon my knee
and thoughts of you You choosing me. — Steve Terhune
Adele One feathery cloud in a zen-like sky looks like a familiar thing. I can’t quite specify.
I know it’s beauty by the gentle way my heart slows when I watch it. I whisper,
“Look at that cloud. Isn’t it beautiful!” He turns to me for explanation, not to the cloud,
as it floats away. — Julie Holzer
All Day Long at KFC I work at KFC on Pacific Ave and Rosemarie All day long crazy people feel the need to yell at me. “Your prices are too high!”"I wanted two thighs!” Just relax, be patient, talk to me. because I don’t like the yelling you see? All day long at KFC people just yell at me. — Ria Leingang
Council Console Winner, Best Entry by a Recently Termed-Out Vice Mayor It was a good run and some fun. I have more time to make this rhyme. With all that was accomplished I ponder astonished. An ambitious pace we left a trace. The indelible mark I hope will spark the continued progress. But I must confess. That term limits suck. I wish the best of luck. — Gary S. Giovanetti
Descent Into the Urban Forest Zipping along the Crosstown. Equal measures work residue and danger awareness. Can you believe they drive like that! Merge to the right amidst left merging SUVs the size of Montana. Pershing exit hug to the rail. Ahhhh! Ahead is the gently waving green that whispers welcoming peace. Descending into the urban forest of my neighborhood. — Veray Wickham
Poker for Dummies #1 Identify the following poker terms: Dolly Parton, riding the broom, pair of dogs, Motown, hunting season, Woolworths, speed limit, gay waiters, Alabama Night Riders, Broderick Crawford, Huey-Duey-Louie, poker.
Answers: nines/fives, winning, kings/nines, jacks/fives, bullets/ducks, five/ten, pair of fives, queens/threes, three kings, ten/four, three ducks, horrible disease. — Dave Sorgent
Game 7 I swing my bat, I’m getting loose, we’re down by two, the bases juiced. It’s bottom-nine, there are two outs, this tension I could do without. I walk up to the plate with fear, the 6’6″ pitcher growing near. Then I step into the box, and wouldn’t you know it, Joe gets picked off. — Ryan Crawford
We interrupt this broadcast to make a special announcement: Hey, Stephen Costa, “Bluetooth” is one word! We now resume our regularly scheduled program.
Ode to Stock-odi Redwing blackbirds singing, swaying On bending corn stalks Hot summer winds lifting the wings Of the crop-duster, the hawk The panorama of the heavens Unmasked No glare of the city The pause that refreshes Someone take pity Leave us our space Our precious open ground Don’t make Stockton and Lodi One big ugly town — Dave Waldon
Untitled Winner of the 2007 Citation for Most Incomprehensible Entry Wriggling, swarming, flashing smelted fish, screened for cryptic balloons of comic thought, diverted for divergence thus emergence back into blackish brackish backbones of broken sloughs. Scant scattering for solitude, gratitude and ballyhoo soon seeking drinking buddies, bloody Marys, dirty Harrys in corner bars used by preying crayfish as an office and excuse for day jobs. — Tim Tunnaman
Untitled One day I went to an exciting concert. It was the Cheetah Girls concert. The Cheetah Girls rock! I was so nervous because that was my first concert I ever went to. When I got there I got a tour card at a booth. When I went inside there was a whole bunch of girls. — Elliz Marquez
The award for Oddest Stationery goes to … Mary M. Wagner, who submitted her 55-Word entry on the back of a map of Arizona.
205 Blues: Notes of a Retired Freeway Crawler Five AM roll-out. Gentlemen (and Ladies) start your engines. Twelve years of commuting. Riding the asphalt river with freeway crawlers in their surreal space ships. Not bound for glory. Two hours of stop and go. Altamont Express? Double roll-over in 97. Nine weeks rehab. Good-bye Bay Area. Adios dreary trail. Hello Stockton. — James Blackshere
Untitled The Donald spared Miss USA beauty He felt it his moral duty. Things were not all Rosie, Attacked by the comedienne, nosy. Hair that appears combed by his mommy, Resembling a miniature tsunami. He said, “You’re fat and ugly, too!”"Your magazine’s a bust, and so are you!” The rich and famous, nothing better to do. — Julian Galapia
It’s no lie No one believes me, but I swear it’s all true, My mom saw The Beatles and Led Zeppelin too. She saw Neil Young on his Broken Arrow Ranch, Just after seeing Pink Floyd while she danced. She saw Jerry Garcia with The Grateful Dead too, I swear it’s all true, she’s got pictures to prove. — Heather Higgins
What About That? Winner, It’s Only 53 Words Long, Even Making “downtown” Into Two Words Award How long do I have to wait? I have an important date But, the area down town, the dining room in the Hotel Stockton is far from ready of late I will not die until I can have dinner there, once more! As I did, as a child, with my family, we four! — Barbara Arismendi
Mirror Image I look in the mirror. What do I see? An old crone staring at me. Look at the gray and the sag. Who is that pitiful old hag? Shoulders stooped, fingers bent, I wonder where the good years went. Is it me? Am I old? My greatest fear! No, it’s my neighbor. Barkeep, another beer. — Leslie Oliver
The Marco Polo Award goes to … Joe Watson, who entered the contest from Swansea, Wales. See his 55er in the online version.
Incomplete Pants, shirts and shoes galore, since when has your life become a store? Your family and friends are obsolete, but oh my gosh that bag’s so sweet. Why can’t you see that life’s much more, than what you buy on the first floor? Yeah, those boots are really neat, but with objects alone, you’re incomplete. — Alexandra Howard
My First and Last Time Playing Golf Golf, oh golf… how I despise you so. Just one swing of the club and there the ball goes. It looks like a star in the afternoon sky. Nope, it’s just my golf ball soaring by. Oh no! “Fore!” I yell as quick as I can And down he went. Oh that poor old man. — Constance Gordon
The Cost of Progress Winner, Best Entry by A Local Historian In “20′s” new city manager built sewers, an underpass, City Hall and Memorial Auditorium. By “29″ he was fired for excessive spending.
Seventy years later another did the same, constructing an office building, ball park, arena and hotel. He was fired for the same reasons.
History repeats itself once again. — Olive Davis
Too Many Hats Too many hats to wear each day. All at different times, makes me crazy I say. I’m a driver, a daughter, a sister, I must bend … I’m a mother, a wife, an employee, a friend. I’m a cook, a housekeeper, a helper and then … I’ll go to sleep tonight to do it all over again. — Narlene Cain
Untitled Special Award for Lamest Ending in 10 Years of 55-Word Contests Once I made a corn tortilla. On it the image of Saint Carlos Mancia, I was hungry and it didn’t matter. Put it face down on a platter. On eBay the tortilla I’d sell A small fortune would do me well. But my riches were not to be, tortilla disappeared with a D Dee Deee! — Julian Galapia
Contact columnist Michael Fitzgerald at (209) 546-8270 or michaelf@recordnet.com. Visit his blog.
More 55-Word masterworks
Peekaboo, Ikea You I went to Ikea Especially to see What’s shakin’ in Scandinavia I bought a nice couch And matching chair And had Swedish meatballs and gravy (“gravya”? –ed.)
I said ya ya ya To all that I saw There was no language barrier Ikea looked cool Painted yellow and blue But there are no Swedes in the area. — Barbara Hendricks
Untitled (Marlene Hnath writes: Mike, this poem was composed by a resident of Swansea in Wales. Yes, the U.K. His name is Joe Watson, and he is quite brilliant, witty, and a friend of the Royals. I met Joe … on a cruise a few years ago. They have visited Stockton, and … San Francisco many times, and because of their love of that city, Joe has composed a 55-worder …”
Alcatraz and earthquakes, fogs and Broadway dives, San Francisco Values, decrepitates and thrives,
Candlesticks and home runs, clapboard, bricks and tiles, San Francisco Values, hearts left there in piles,
Cataloged by Newsom, socialites and geeks, San Francisco Values, baseball Bonds and freaks.
Pretty city, gritty city, hilly city, silly city San Francisco Virtues, such desirability! — Best Pen Name: Ross N. Krantz Guildenstern.
Mighty Huddy at the Bat Mighty Huddy stepped up to the plate, Surely he sould seal Lincoln’s fate Down 3 to 2, Hud was a stud That the pitcher knoew. Huddy knew what to do. Not knowing what was to ensue One swing at the bat The ball flew Going, going, going, caught. The crowd booed. Huddy was emotionally distraught. — Michael Hudson
My Two Cats (Jonas Salk and Schrodinger) Cataclysmic thunder rumbles down the hallway. Flash of gray, flash of white, times two. A tremendous leap onto the down comforter–whump, whump! Fuzzy faces and cold noses push into my sleepy face. It must be 5 AM. “Arise, arise from your catatonic state!” Categorically speaking, a furry purr is better than a caterwauling buzz! — Karen Meredith
From Cindy Grafius: “Below is my third entry into your contest. My last, I’m sure, since work is interfering with my life again today.”
Open-Mindedness Somebody said, as we all have read, “Can’t we just all get along?” What does it matter, after the chatter whether you’re right or you’re wrong? Philosophically, it’s clear to me, it’s better to not have derision. So I concur, and here aver, you have a right to your opinion. Even if you are wrong. — Lisa Chase
Anticipation Predawn Big yawn Leave warm nest Let wifey rest Start the coffee Pack my lunch Feeling happy Goin’ fishing today! Toss my gear Into the rear Of the SUV Hook up trailer To tow the boat A Klamath 15, My fishing machine Pack rod, flies and bait Big fish await Sweet anticipation Goin’ fishing today! — Irene Perkins
A-C-Y, Do U-C-Y? Piracy of Privacy. Inefficacy of Literacy. Our youth of Lunacy is below a Fallacy of a Democracy. Which is just a Demonocracy run by an Aristocracy whose intentions are not to be under Subordinacy. I now plead to an Alternacy of Supremacy. Prejudicacy and Slavocracy. What about a Monocracy? They atrociously show Inaccuracy in Society. — Sydney Yoke
Untitled New Years Eve Sea of Dreams A final incident With String Cheese San Francisco night grows louder Must find tickets by midnight hour. Inside now mind altered Lights flash, music loud Now toward exit Flowing with crowd. We know not to drive, Still can’t clearly see Until then we’re just two New Years Day Refugees. — Shaun Hannon
Ranch Dressing Winner, Kicking Them When They’re Down Award Richard Pombo Municipal Park opened today. Resting on a god forsaken strip of land adjacent to the I-205 corridor, the park is devoid of the usual outdoor amenities such as trees, grass and water. Visitors can, however, choke on exhaust fumes, rent strip mining apparatus and kill any animal stupid enough to enter the park. — Dave Waldon
Those Braneless Highbrows Nonilliterate, with pride we can proclaim, is a title we most surely deserve. Hypocriterate is what they are. It really took a lot of nerve for those snobbish snobs from who knows where to suggest that we’re not so bright. Just because we don’t read a lot doesn’t mean we don’t speak good English right. — Patrick Chase
Untitled 55 words. That’s no big deal. 55 years is what makes me reel. They call it middle age; But who lives to 110? My feeble mind, What a state it’s in. My grandchildren are my best friends. I’ve reached my prime; It’s come and gone. Gotta run, Spongebob is on! — Samantha Bingaman
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Copyright (c) 2007, The Record, Stockton, Calif.
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