Loved Ones Mourned on Websites

Starsky Garcia was shot dead in North Miami Beach five months ago.

Relatives have left flowers and rosaries on his grave.

His friends painted a graffiti mural on a Miami Beach handball court for him.

And his loved ones have found another way to remember him: They post notes on his MySpace page.

"They use the Internet. He was too young to die. But that’s their culture. That’s what they know," said his mother, Gloria Nader.

Since the 27-year-old’s death, the page has morphed into a lasting memorial.

"It’s sending a shout-out," said his sister Alexa Garcia-Brown. "It’s a way of letting him know we care. And letting everyone who knew him know they’re not alone in missing him."

Two months after his death, she posted on his page: "It still hurts like crazy. I still cry every nite for u brother & hope to see u soon in my dreams. We love you so much & you are so missed. Mom is ok, just ok. I’ll take care of her for you brother. We Luv you!"

Social networking sites like MySpace — garnering 145 million users in the past three years — have revolutionized grieving among the group most likely to use the site, teenagers and twenty-somethings, although there is no official tally as to how many pages are registered to dead users.

"We often hear from families that a user’s profile is a way for friends to celebrate the person’s life, giving friends a positive outlet to connect with one another and find comfort during the grieving process," MySpace president Tom Anderson wrote in an e-mail.

Some profiles may belong to suicides. Many were victims of car accidents or drug overdoses. Others contracted diseases or died in combat in Iraq.

And there are those like Garcia: University of Miami football star Bryan Pata, 22, and 32-year-old chiropractor Bradley Timpf, a former UM basketball player. All three men were gunned down in South Florida late last year.

Timpf’s page remains untouched since he logged in for the final time — Dec. 10, the same day he was shot during an apparent botched carjacking outside a restaurant in North Miami Beach.

His family is in the process of obtaining a code to check the messages posted since his death.

IN MEMORIUM

About a month ago, his sister Abbey Timpf, started a new MySpace page in his memory. The page is full of pictures of her older brother, from the newborn Bradley to his last Thanksgiving. There are even snapshots of the Cadillac in which he was sitting when he was killed.

Abbey Timpf said the page has a number of different purposes.

"There are people who knew him professionally but didn’t know him personally and vice versa. There are people who knew him as a kid but didn’t know him as an adult. They all miss him."

Some therapists voice concerns about the way the pages are used.

Louis Bernard Antoine, a professor at The University of Miami who specializes in adolescent psychiatry, says that grieving online is similar to socializing online — while there are benefits, they are limited.

"While spending time online may facilitate communication, it should not be a substitute for human contact," he said. "Just as writing on this site should not replace the actual work someone has to do when they are dealing with grief."

Abbey Timpf said the page has been therapeutic for her.

"It’s been a roller coaster ride. You get up every day and you don’t know what you will feel — anger, sadness, denial. But I’ve been logging on to this every night. It’s great."

OUTPOURING

Since Nov. 7, when Bryan Pata was shot in the back of the head outside his Kendall apartment, his MySpace and Facebook pages have been filled with messages from friends.

But the page is also peppered with spam: photos of barely-clad women hawking everything from pharmaceuticals to cell phones. The postings read as if they were from friends.

His brother, Edwin Pata, doesn’t have the access to clean off the commercial postings. "I know who posts and is true," he said.

False friends aside, Edwin Pata says he would never take his younger brother’s page down.

"I couldn’t look at it until March because that’s pretty much Bryan," he said. "It’s something he created. Some of it is him just being a kid and having a MySpace account but in there is a side of him most people didn’t see when they met him . . . him with his family, with his dog. I love that it’s there."

Edwin Pata occasionally posts on Bryan’s Facebook page, leaving updates on their family. He also looks at the dozen or so tribute networks that his brother’s former classmates have created for him on the site.

Although Facebook.com spokeswoman Meredith Chin said company policy is to remove a deceased user’s site 30 days after learning of the passing, Pata’s page is still active.

Myspace doesn’t delete profiles for inactivity, but will remove one at a family’s request.

E-SHARING

Dozens of Starsky Garcia’s loved ones post on his site. They recall good times, share private jokes and leave updates on major events in their lives: Super Bowl parties, weddings, birth announcements.

‘It’s comforting. That’s his, that’s him. I can go there and hear his music and look at his pictures,’ said Garcia’s cousin Daniel Acevedo.

Garcia, who had worked odd jobs, was killed on Dec. 8 in front of the apartment he was planning to move into.

"There’s been an overwhelming response to the loss," said his brother Jim. "And you can see it in the one place everyone who knew him, all over the country, can get together: his MySpace page."