It’s always tough being a mom—it’s a full-time job without schedules, time limits, or pay. And though undertaken with love (and a little exasperation at times), it’s a decades-long commitment. So how can a mother keep herself happy, healthy, and grounded after waking up to find fingerpaint on the walls and a squirrel in the car? Researchers from Arizona State University believe they have the answer, pulled from the first known study to explore the phenomenology of motherhood.
The researchers studied more than 2,000 well-educated, upper-middle class women—a group often described as being as “high risk” for stress over parenthood. This is because such women invariably spend more time working with their children’s activities and commitments, as compared to less-educated women with well-educated husbands.
Further, they studied women over men because even today, mothers typically are the primary caregiver in a heterosexual couple. (For example, when considering something like changing diapers: Both parents may take part, but one may change more diapers, research diaper brands, buy more diapers, research wipes, buy powder, and research the best diaper bags. Or, both parents may cook meals, but one parent cooks more, finds more recipes, buys more groceries, etc.)
Happiness in motherhood
The study, which is published in Developmental Psychology, asked the women what helped them cope with the strains of motherhood, and found that four factors play a key role in maintaining a mother’s well-being: unconditional acceptance, feeling comforted when needed, authenticity in relationships, and friendship satisfaction. Other surprising factors did not affect well-being.
“Relationships with spouses are important but clearly not determinative to a mother’s wellbeing,” explained Suniya Luthar, a Foundation professor of psychology at ASU, in a statement. “Our findings show the strong potential protective power of other close relationships — satisfaction with the frequency of visiting with friends had significant unique associations with all seven adjustment outcomes.”
“Our results yield little support for views that as a group, upper-middle class mothers’ well-being is primarily tied to their investment in their children and their roles as parents, and instead, suggest far stronger ramifications for feelings of being personally supported,” she added.
All of which means that mothers, too, need some mothering—and suggests that those struggling may be able to seek out relief through support groups and friends. “Just as unconditional acceptance is critical for children, so it is critical for mothers who must provide it,” said Luthar. “Mothers, like children, benefit greatly when they know they have reliable sources of comfort when in distress.”
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