By Anastasia Stephens
On the sheepskin rug, in front of the fire, a dozen or so bodies are lying in spoons, or face to face, or in any position that helps you to hug someone. There’s some stroking and laughter, a few contented sighs. Apart from a little gentle repositioning and head- stroking, not much is happening. In fact, inaction is the flavour of the afternoon.
I’m being spooned by Jason, a photographer, while nestling my head and neck in the armpit of a woman. Three arms are wrapped around me and I’m stroking another arm. This is the outcome of our “canoodle casserole”. Earlier on, we had warmed up by giving each other full one-to-one body hugs.
Despite the strangeness of the situation – I hardly know these people – all the stroking has sent me into a state of jellified contentment, a bit like a blissed-out dog. At the same time, I’m very aware that if a middle-aged neighbour were to walk in, the words “orgy” and “swinging” would spring to mind.
But this has nothing to do with sex. It’s a cuddle party, the antidote to a s n u glestarved society and a prelude to bigger cuddle parties coming to Britain from the United States this month.
That’s right, cuddle parties. Unlike the dinner party, or dance party, instead of pitching up with a bottle of wine, you bring your pyjamas. Then you dive on to the sofa, or into bed, with a bunch of strangers for some carefree caressing.
And we’re all here for the sake of enhancing our emotional wellbeing and health. According to Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski, the relationship coaches who created the Cuddle Party events and website in the US, we are all in desperate need of more physical contact. Cuddling, they say, has positive effects on self- esteem, confidence and anxiety, and is the most direct, physiological way to make a person feel wanted.
“A good hug speaks directly to your body and soul, making you feel loved and special,” Mihalko says. “It overwrites any unworthiness or ‘negative voices’ in your head telling you that you cannot be loved. It’s a great anxiety remedy; held in the arms of another, any tension just drains away.”
Of course, to reassure the wary, there have to be cuddle rules. All parties begin with a welcome circle where people can talk about their reservations. Even then, everyone must ask permission before cuddling – and it is equally important to say no to a hug if it doesn’t feel comfortable.
The problem, Baczynski says, is that we are touchdeprived. “In our society, we get physical affection through relationships.If you’re single, you have to live with a few awkward passes, the odd drunken grope or an o c asional semi-hug from a friend. Even a relationship is no guarantee that you’ll get the affectionate touch you need.”
That’s where cuddle parties come in. They broaden people’s scope for physical intimacy. “There’s a lot of confusion and fear about intimate touch,” Mihalko says. “It doesn’t need to be sexual, and there doesn’t need to be an agenda. You can get it from strangers and it can be very nourishing.”
Their assertions appear to be backed up by research. Studies at the University of North Carolina show that hugging induces positive physiological and emotional changes in the body, mainly by inducing the release of oxytocin the love hormone.
Researchers found that hugging for 20 seconds was enough to boost levels of oxytocin sufficiently to induce emotional and physiological benefits for a whole day. Oxytocin into not only makes you feel good; it also improves heart function, protecting against heart disease. Hugging was found to reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which is associated with anxiety, physical tension, anger and weaker immunity.
These findings support a previous study which found that hugging reduced the emotional effect of stress. When two groups of couples were asked to talk about an angry event, those that hugged first maintained significantly lower heart-rate and blood pressure.
But the benefit of receiving regular hugs could be even more profound. According to Linda Blair, a clinical psy-chologist at Bath University, researchers have now found that touch and hugging are needed for basic positive emotions to develop.
“Touch affects the cerebellar brain system, an area of the brain where basic positive emotions such as trust and affection probably come from,” Blair says. “If you get lots of cuddles early on, you will internalise trust, as well as feelings of bonding and love. If you get no touch, or if the touch is anxious or unfriendly, you will tend to develop mistrust and wariness.”
Marianne Jones, a massage therapist from west London, believes that even if you lacked the benefits of touch early in life, you can make up for it later on. “We never get too old to benefit from positive touch,” she says. “And, for those who get in adulthood what they lacked in childhood, it can be tremendously healing. Cuddle parties could give people the chance to let others come closer, and to give and receive affection. You’d probably see where you hold tension and anxiety from past emotional pain, and grieve for what you didn’t get.”
The benefits of hugging are now so widely recognised that, in the US, it is sometimes prescribed instead of medication. Organisations such as the US Surviving Burns Support Service advocate “hug therapy” as a way to reduce social isolation and depression and to foster feelings of belonging.
“There can’t be a faster, more direct way of making you feel connected, wanted and happy than with a bear-like squeeze,” says Tina Malhotra of Free Hugs, an international campaign group to promote hugging. “That’s why we go on to the streets and offer hugs. Some people are wary, but most find that a quick cuddle is enjoyable and it puts smiles on their faces.”
The canoodle casserole certainly put a smile on my face; first, a snigger at the eccentricity of it all, and then a much deeper, satisfied smile. Despite feeling uncomfortable at times – I felt more at ease with some people than with others, and I wouldn’t let just anyone touch me – the party left me feeling unexpectedly content.
And it opened my eyes to completely new experiences. It’s not every day that you get to stroke another woman’s hair affectionately, or cuddle a man just for the sake of it.
So, as strange as cuddle parties sound, I’d recommend them. With no small talk and plenty of silliness, they beat dinner parties hands down.
How to heal with a hug
Too give a proper heart-warming cuddle, you need to grasp the body language of hugging. The most common hug among the British is the shoulder-clasp. This involves leaning forward, politely touching the huggee’s shoulders and kissing the air on either side of their cheeks.
“With the vast majority of hugs, people hold their bodies back,” says Mike Skileck, be a teacher of biodanza, a danced therapy with an emphasis on hugging. “The lack of contact doesn’t make you feel appreciated.”
Be daring the next time you contemplate a hug. Once in the hugging position, stay there. Enjoy the cuddle rather than try to escape it. For a proper “therapeutic” cuddle, keep hugging for at least a minute. Notice how it makes you feel.
Hugging like this makes some people feel uncomfortable. But once you get used to it, most find that it eases tension, and encourages positive emotions.
The power of touch
Research is confirming that affectionate touch is a good all- round medicine. So what are the benefits?
HEART DISEASE A 20-second daily hug improves heart function and lowers blood pressure by triggering the release of the hormone oxytocin.
IMMUNITY Hugging lowers levels of cortisol, a stress hormone that weakens immunity.
STRESS Positive physical touch has an immediate anti-stress effect, slowing breathing and heart rate.
MOOD A good hug rapidly induces relaxation and wellbeing. The raised level of oxytocin counters negative emotions and boosts feelings of bonding.
INFO The first London Cuddle Party takes place in north London on 11 February, 2-5.30pm ([pound]30 per ticket; e-mail cuddleparty @hotmail.co.uk. See also www.cuddleparty.com; www.free-hugs.com; and www.dancebiodanza.com.
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