By RASHAE OPHUS JOHNSON
Summer “break” in Milwaukee is a misnomer for Valparaiso University senior Nile Sandeen. Spare time consists of precious moments spent wedding planning with his fiancee in Illinois, a traveling job repairing church organs and preparations for the discernment process to become a Lutheran pastor.
Given a genuine break, Sandeen could idle away weeks just worrying. There’s his older brother (and only sibling) deployed in Afghanistan, the complications of becoming a clergyman in an interfaith marriage and his mother’s fragile health. Plus, he’s living with AIDS.
Are the utmost precautions enough to protect his HIV-negative fiancee? Will they attempt the medical procedure to conceive without transmitting the virus, or will the excessive cost stifle hope for biological children? If they do start a family, will AIDS leave his wife a widow and his children without a father?
Fortunately, Sandeen is too busy with life to worry much about death. “We all die. I might die tomorrow from anything, but it’s highly unlikely I’ll die tomorrow from AIDS,” he said. “Even if I do, I believe in a higher world. I believe in being saved, and death is part of that journey.”
Sandeen was 4 when he was diagnosed HIV-positive along with his mother, Dawn Wolff, who contracted it from her then-husband. She unknowingly passed it to Nile through birth.
Wolff, a nurse, shared her family’s story to raise awareness of the disease, but rumors of contagiousness provoked hysteria when Nile entered kindergarten in Mequon. Between bouts of hospitalization, Wolff did her best to counter the stigma and shield her boys, including Sean, born HIV-negative two years before Nile.
“She always just told me, ‘You’re a healthy boy. You can live. You can keep going and not have to worry,’ ” he said. “Somewhere along the way I started believing it.”
Coverage of his confrontational entry into kindergarten introduced him to a lifelong friend, Milwaukee native Neil Willenson, a then-college student whom Sandeen inspired to start the nationally renowned Camp Heartland to provide respite for children with AIDS.
After considering careers in baseball or the FBI, growing up in public scrutiny ultimately revealed Sandeen’s pastoral calling. As he distanced himself from his upbringing in the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA), a Camp Heartland chum invited him to a lock-in at a vibrant Sherman Park church of another Lutheran synod. There, Sandeen discovered his passion for the ministry.
“Things happen for a reason. I had to learn to deal with hard things a lot sooner in life. It prepared me and engaged me (for pastoral life). Because I was HIV-positive, it engaged me in public speaking. Because I was HIV-positive, I met someone who invited me back to church. God touched me in many ways in my life because I was HIV-positive,” he said. “Sometimes I still feel, ‘Why me?’ You certainly wonder, couldn’t there have been another way? At the same time, I know how fortunate I’ve been spiritually.”
Though AIDS created dating obstacles, it was less of an issue with his fiancee, Nicole Evers, who knew that Sandeen was HIV- positive before they started dating. Sandeen said his religious differences initially presented greater misgivings than his AIDS status for his future in-laws, who are devout members of the United Reformed Church. But since resolving their differences, they happily obliged when Sandeen requested their daughter’s hand in marriage.
Sandeen often attends Sunday services at both churches with Evers and strives to focus on shared beliefs. As for AIDS, “They’ve known for years. They’ve never really verbally expressed their concern, although I’m sure it’s there. They trust that I love her and wouldn’t try to endanger her.”
Today, Sandeen maintains good health with a regimen of six pills per day. His wedding is scheduled for May 31, 2008. His mom, who barely survived the early years of AIDS, just celebrated her 49th birthday. Their future looks promising.
Meanwhile, the AIDS population in the United States is approaching 1 million, with about 40,000 new cases annually. The fastest-growing segment is heterosexual young adults, and Sandeen fears for his peers gambling with their health.
“They need to get educated and protect themselves. They can make the numbers smaller faster than any medicine can,” he said. “It’s turned from a stereotype of ‘you get AIDS and then you die,’ to you don’t need to worry about it anymore.
“AIDS will not ruin your life. It will not end your life. But it will totally change your life.”
bio
Age 21
Education Senior theology major
at Valparaiso University
Summer job Church organ repairman
Career aspiration Evangelical
Lutheran pastor
Hometown Mequon
Wedding date May 31, 2008
they say
“He is the definition of a survivor. He beat the odds. He wasn’t supposed to survive into adolescence. Not only is he surviving, he’s thriving – he’s engaged, and he’s going to be a minister in the Lutheran church! These were all things that weren’t supposed to happen.”
— Neil Willenson, friend and founder of Camp Heartland for children with HIV
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(c) 2007 Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. Provided by ProQuest Information and Learning. All rights Reserved.
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